Breathe Again
by YourTimeIsNow
Summary: All I have, all I need... he's the air I would kill to breathe... holds my love in his hands, and still I'm searching for something... Out of breath, I am left hoping someday... I'll breathe again.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: Character genius belongs to Dick Wolf. Song genius belongs to the amazingly wonderful Sara Bareilles.**

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><p><em>Car is parked, bags are packed, but what kind of heart doesn't look back<br>__At the comfortable glow from the porch, the one I will still call yours?  
><em>_All those words came undone and now I'm not the only one  
><em>_Facing the ghosts that decide if the fire inside still burns_

It was quiet in the car. Normally she hated silence, found it to be oppressive, unnerving. But she welcomed this noiselessness. It was oddly comforting. Maybe it was because she knew what was coming, she knew this was the last quiet she'd ever enjoy. From this moment on, the silence would kill her, would force her to relive the memory she was about to create.

She opened the door and stepped out, closing it behind her. The mid-September air was perfect, the chill suggested fall had almost arrived.

The porch that greeted her as she began to make her way up the sidewalk was warm and inviting, familiar like an old family home. Which it was. Just not her family.

It took her a long time to realize that he wasn't her family, he was someone else's. She had tried to convince herself for many years that her colleagues were her family. But they weren't. They were co-workers. And they all went home to their own lives after work while she stayed stagnant, unmoving, alone.

The door to the house opened and she stopped cold. He was dressed in a gray t-shirt and sweatpants. Perfection. Wordlessly, he stepped out onto the porch. This was it.

She stepped forward.

_All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe  
>Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something<br>Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again  
>I'll breathe again<em>

She watched his eyes dart behind her, to the boxes and suitcases that she'd loaded into her car earlier this evening. And by earlier this evening, she meant midnight. His brow furrowed as he watched her approach.

She took in the sight of him. He didn't even look like he'd been sleeping. In their line of work, sleepless nights weren't uncommon. She fought a smile and looked at the sidewalk, brushing behind her ear a piece of hair that had strayed from her ponytail. A smile would have betrayed her happiness at seeing him. She tried so hard to never let him see how much he meant to her. That was why she was leaving. Leaving New York, leaving SVU, leaving… him.

She didn't stop walking until she reached the bottom porch step. Elliot stood silently above her, arms crossed against the chill in the air. She looked up at him and gently brushed her hair out of her eyes, slipping her hands into her back pockets.

"Hey," he said softly. His family was sleeping behind him in the home he'd created, and she could tell he didn't want to wake anyone up.

"Hey," she replied, casting her eyes downward, staring at her shoes on the sidewalk. This was not off to a good start.

"Something you want to tell me?" he asked.

She fought the tears that threatened to smash her resolve to bits. She chewed her lip and absently tucked another stray piece of ponytail behind her ear.

"I'm leaving," she said, finally looking up into his eyes. As she did so, a single tear slipped down her cheek.

_Open up next to you and my secrets become your truth  
>And the distance between that was sheltering me comes in full view<br>Hang my head, break my heart built from all I have torn apart  
>And my burden to bear is a love I can't carry anymore<em>

He nodded slowly. "Should I even ask why?" She hesitated, sensing that this was rhetorical question and that he wasn't done speaking. She was right. "I mean, would you even tell me if I asked?"

She looked up at him then. She was leaving. She had nothing to lose. Nothing to lose but her heart. She'd decided that she would give her heart to him if he asked for it. She would do that and then she would leave it with him. She whispered then, maintaining eye contact and her control. "If you asked me, I would tell you."

He came down the steps then to meet her. He didn't touch her. He just looked at her. "Why?" he asked. "Why are you doing this?"

It was time. It was time to tell him the secret she'd kept for so long, the secret she was fairly certain he'd known for many years. But she had to say the words. "Because," she paused again and bit the inside of her cheek. She wouldn't look away; she needed to see his face as she said the words. _Say it, dammit_, she thought._ Tell him. _"Because… I love you." She breathed, feeling a burden lift from her shoulders

_All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe  
>Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something<br>Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again_

"Liv…" he breathed.

"I know, El," she said. "There's nothing you need to do or to say. I just needed to tell you."

He stood before her, speechless, just looking at her steadily. She wanted to turn, but she couldn't make her feet move. She was rooted to the spot beside Elliot. She'd known this would be difficult, but she hadn't anticipated the attachment to him that had physically manifested itself in her.

"I… I can't," he stuttered, unable to form a complete sentence.

Olivia nodded as he confirmed what she'd known all along. Finally, despite their heaviness, her feet begin to lift from their ground of their own accord, carrying her away from him. She couldn't be here anymore; she couldn't be next to him, unable to breathe, unable to stop the pain.

"I know you can't," she said, stepping backwards toward the car. "I know. And that's why I'm going."

The two steps she took first were the most difficult, since her feet felt as thought they were filled with lead. But she managed to turn her back to him and after that, it got easier. When she couldn't see him, when she couldn't see those fierce blue eyes filled with complete understanding of who she was… it was far easier to think clearly, to not be overwhelmed with love for him.

She thought for a moment that she was home free, that he wasn't going to come after her.

She was wrong.

"Olivia," he said. "Liv, wait."

She heard his sneakered feet on the sidewalk behind her, she felt his hand on her wrist, stopping her momentum and pulling her back toward him. She stumbled then and steadied herself against him. It took her a moment to register their closeness and once she did, it was all she could think of. She could smell him, feel his breath on her cheek, feel his eyes set firmly on her face. She couldn't look at him and instead focused her eyes on her hands, placed delicately on his chest.

He didn't let her go. In fact, he did just the opposite: he pulled her closer. He didn't wrap his arms around her, instead choosing to keep his hands on her toned triceps, pressing his chest lightly to hers and swiping his cheek against hers.

"Don't go," he whispered, his sweet breath against her ear. "Please."

She almost cried out then, the closeness overwhelming her senses and diminishing her resolve. "Elliot…" she couldn't raise her voice above an aching whisper.

_It hurts to be here  
>I only wanted love from you<br>It hurts to be here  
>What am I gonna do?<em>

"Please, Olivia," he whispered against her neck, running his hands up her arms to her shoulders, to the skin of her neck. "Please."

She breathed him in deeply and then, mustering all the strength she could, lightly pushed him away. "I have to." She finally met his eyes, his beautiful eyes. "I can't do this anymore."

"Do what?" he asked her, stepping toward her, trying to close the gap she'd put between them.

"This," she gestured with her hand to the two of them. "You. And me. I just… can't."

"Olivia," he said. "There is no 'you and me.' There never has been."

Of course there wasn't. She'd been a fool to think that he'd returned her feelings in the slightest. She bit her lip and looked at her shoes, stray tears slipping down her cheeks. Damn those tears.

"Please," he said, finally closing the distance and cupping her cheeks in his hands. He lifted her eyes to meet his. "Please let me explain."

She waited in silence. She'd said her piece, it was only right to let him say his. She tried not to think of how close he was to her, how easy it would be to brush her lips against his. She closed her eyes, thinking it would perhaps make it easier to bear.

"I love you," he whispered. Her eyes shot open and found his immediately. She hadn't expected those words to come from his mouth. She somehow managed to maintain her silence and waited for him to continue. He smiled at her. "I love you," he said again. "And just because there has been no "you and me" doesn't mean I didn't want there to be. But…" he paused, his eyes quickly darting over his shoulder, to the house behind him.

Olivia nodded, understanding what he meant. "Your children. Your wife."

She'd never hated that word more. She'd never envied anymore more than she'd envied Kathy Stabler.

"Olivia…" he whispered. "Please stay."

She looked into his eyes and once again, felt her resolve begin to wane. Her eyes darted to the house behind them. The windows were dark, his children were fast asleep, the life he'd built was awaiting his return. She smiled softly and leaned up to kiss him. Her mouth brushed against his and she felt his strong lips mold to hers. His hands moved to tangle in her hair and she ran her tongue along his lower lip, opening her mouth and sighing softly as his tongue slid against hers.

She pulled away and placed one more chaste kiss against his mouth. She found his eyes, which were smiling into hers, and he brushed a tear from her cheek. "It'll be okay, Liv. We'll be okay."

She nodded and took a step back, keeping hold of his hand for a moment before letting it slip from her own. "I have to go, Elliot. It's a long drive to L.A."

His smile faded. He said nothing this time. He just let her walk to her car and climb inside. She couldn't look at him, couldn't take the sight of him, this man she loved. She turned the ignition and shifted the car into drive. Slowly, she pressed her foot into the gas pedal.

_Don't look back,_ she thought. _Don't look back_.

Her eyes involuntarily flicked to the rearview mirror, finding Elliot standing in the same spot she'd left him, the glow from his porch lighting him like the angel she knew he was. She chuckled at this thought. A saint, no. An angel, yes. Her angel.

She felt a deep pull in her chest as the car turned off his block. She couldn't help the silent tears that slipped down her cheeks. Not this time.

She just let them fall. For her partner, her best friend; for the times he'd saved her life; for the times she'd saved his; for the life she was leaving behind; for the Elliot-shaped hole that was forming in her heart.

Most of all, she wept for the fact that she could feel herself begin to breathe again.

_All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe  
>Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching<br>All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe  
>Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something<br>Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again  
>I'll breathe again<em>

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><p><strong>This was going to be a one-shot. What do you think? Leave it as a one-shot? Continue? Please RR! It means more than words can say!**


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: The characters aren't mine. Nope, they belong to Dick Wolf. Sigh. The song isn't mine either. It belongs to A Fine Frenzy.**

**Author's Note: Thanks to those who reviewed the first chapter. I'm still not quite sure where this is going, but I'm having fun writing it. :) I hope you enjoy installment two.**

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><p><em>Something causing fear to fly<br>Rising like a dark night  
>In silence<br>Traveling so like broken boats  
>Heading for the sky<br>And I'm an island_

_I watched you disappear into the clouds_  
><em>Swept away into another town<em>

Six years and still, he can remember with an all-too-vivid clarity the pain, the loss he felt when she drove away from him that night. That night she changed everything. That night she'd finally made it okay for them to admit their love for each other… only to tear it all away from him.

He'd been so foolish to think that they'd get their happily ever after. His life wasn't a goddamn fairy tale. Her life sure as hell wasn't.

Still, despite the betrayal he felt, despite the loss, despite the pain he endured every day since her departure… he loved her. He always had. He was pretty sure he always would.

He knew he could find her if he really tried. He also knew how badly he wanted to. The fact of the matter was, she'd made the decision to go. She'd removed herself from the equation. Yes, they loved each other. But he was married. Therefore, they could never be. He had to respect the fact that the pain was too great, too much for her to bear. For the first time in a long time… perhaps ever, he put her needs before his own. He let her be. He hoped she was happy, wherever she was.

_The world carries on without you  
>But nothing remains the same<br>I'll be lost without you  
>Until the last of days<em>

So, Elliot carried on. He simply maintained. He woke up, kissed his kids goodbye every morning, went to work, helped the victims, caught the bad guys, came home, drowned his sorrows in a beer or four, went to bed. He barely touched his wife. When they did make love, he squeezed his eyes shut and fought the urge to cry out _her _name. Afterwards, he and Kathy rolled to opposite sides of the bed and he pretended to sleep.

Sometimes, when he just couldn't pretend, he rose and silently padded down the hallway to their home office. He'd Google her name. As he waited for the search results to load, he prayed they wouldn't turn up an obituary.

He'd first allowed himself to do this about a year after she left. His every thought was consumed by her; he needed to know she was okay. The first story that had turned up was a newspaper article about how she'd taken down a rapist who was terrorizing L.A. The article came with a picture and Elliot sucked in a breath. She was different, but the same somehow. Her hair was longer, lighter. Her olive skin was more tan than he remembered. He attributed both these things to the California sun. She was ravishing.

Without thinking, he printed the article. Now, he carried it in his wallet. Somehow, it made him feel closer to her.

_The sun is in the east,  
>Rising for the beasts<br>And the beauties  
>I wish that I could tear it down,<br>Plant it in the ground to warm your face_

_I built myself a castle on the beach  
>Watching as it slid into the sea<em>

Now, six years later, he still thought of her as his partner; his desk still sat flush with hers; she was still a Manhattan SVU detective; she was still the woman he loved. He knew she always would be.

"Stabler, Rollins."

Elliot heard the familiar voice of his Captain through the thickness of his thoughts. Elliot turned slowly in his chair. Even the smallest movements took a concerted effort. He was so tired.

"Yeah, Cap?" he heard the blond say to the older man. Despite everything Elliot had gone through, Don Cragen had continued to support his best detective. He continued to look at him with fatherly eyes, with tolerance and love.

"They just fished a body out of the river. Eight year old girl, signs of sexual assault. Warner is waiting for you."

Rollins was out of her seat before Elliot had even turned his desk chair back around. He slowly pushed himself upright and followed the young woman to the elevator, trying to avoid the stare of his captain. The elevator door was already open by the time Elliot had rounded the corner and he saw a thin hand holding it open for him. As he went to board the crowded vessel, he looked up and into Rollins' face. He stopped dead in his tracks.

This wasn't right. He couldn't do this anymore. Not without her.

"Elliot?" There was a question in her voice; she was wondering what the hell was wrong with him.

He was dumbfounded. How had he let it get this bad? How had he existed this long without her? He was done.

He turned on his heel and walked straight to his captain's office, ignoring the curious call of his name behind him. He swung the door open without knocking and stood in front of Cragen, pleading and desperation in his eyes.

Cragen merely nodded and shouted, "Amaro, go with Rollins." Elliot shut the door and sat down in the chair across from Cragen's large wooden desk. "I'll make a call."

The captain picked up the phone and Elliot felt the ice around his heart begin to melt.

_The world carries on without you_  
><em>But nothing remains the same<em>  
><em>I'll be lost without you<em>  
><em>Until the last of days<em>  
><em>Until the last of days<em>

_Through walls and harvest moons_  
><em>I will fight for you<em>

"Okay," Cragen began as he set down the phone. "She's no longer with the department in Los Angeles."

"What the hell does that mean?" Elliot jumped in, his emotions taking charge.

Cragen paused and ran a hand down his face. "It means she's not a cop in L.A. anymore, Elliot."

Elliot could tell the captain's patience was wearing thin, so he checked himself and let him finish.

"Her former captain said she moved out of the city a few months ago and up to Portland, Oregon."

"Oregon again," Elliot sighed.

Cragen merely nodded. "She left a forwarding address." And with that, Elliot felt a glimmer of hope. "Elliot, are you sure about this?" The Captain had to ask as he handed Elliot a small slip of paper.

If Cragen knew more than he was telling, Elliot didn't give a damn. "Cap," Elliot began, grabbing the paper between his shaking fingers. "I've never been more sure of anything. I need… I need to find her."

"And your wife?"

Elliot just shook his head, wordlessly.

"Elliot," Cragen said. "You're still married. Maybe you should just leave her be…"

Elliot sighed. "I can't do that, sir. I just… can't."

Cragen nodded. "Go then." He'd barely finished the second word and Elliot was out the door.

_The world carries on without you_  
><em>But nothing remains the same<em>  
><em>I'll be lost without you<em>  
><em>Until the last of days<em>

The plane ride seemed to take forever and no time at all. Elliot couldn't believe how quickly he was landing at Portland International Airport. Before he knew it, he was driving his rental car along the coast of the Columbia River, her address plugged into the in-car GPS system.

Soon, the checkered flag appeared on the tiny screen and he found himself nervous. So anxious to see her again. He had not heard her voice since that night… the night she told him she loved him. The night he told her he loved her in return. The night everything between them had changed. The night his world had shifted.

He pulled his car up in front of a quaint, American craftsman-style home and smiled. It was warm and inviting, greeting him with a large wrap-around porch complete with a swing and several potted plants. It hit him then that she'd made a life here for herself. And he was an intruder.

Maybe he couldn't do this after all.

He put the car in drive again, prepared to slip quietly away into the fading sunlight. Then, the front screen door opened and she walked out… she walked back into his life, just like that.

She didn't see him yet, so he just watched her walk to the porch swing. It was then that he realized he couldn't drive away from her. His world had all but stopped when she left and it was up to him to set it in motion again.

He shifted the car back into park and cut the engine. He quietly opened his door and stepped into the warm June air. As he rounded the car, he heard the laugh of a child. Followed by the laugh of the woman he loved. It was then that he realized she wasn't alone. Olivia wasn't alone. He stopped in his tracks as he reached the sidewalk. As if sensing his presence, her eyes found his and turned wide.

_Maybe she's babysitting this child, _Elliot thought. _You don't know the whole story_.

"Mommy," the child said softly, crushing Elliot's theory dead. "Who's that?"

Olivia stood, taking the child's hand and walked to the front steps. She was dressed differently than he'd ever seen her. A long skirt dripped down to her bare feet, paired with a light, scoop-necked tank top. Her hair was still light and she wore it wavy and pulled away from her face into a ponytail. This was a whole new Olivia, relaxed, almost bohemian. She was beautiful. He loved it.

"That's my friend, Elliot," she finally spoke and his heart settled into a normal rhythm. If you asked him, he'd say it began to beat in time with hers. Again.

"Elliot, this is my daughter, Maggie."

_Until the last of days…_

**Please review! They help this humble author more than you know! Thanks! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

__**DISCLAIMER: The characters (except little Maggie) aren't mine; they belong to Dick Wolf. Song genius belongs to Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova, from the movie "Once."**

**Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews, friends. Please keep them coming. They absolutely keep me motivated! **

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><p><em>I don't know you<br>But I want you  
>All the more for that<br>Words fall through me  
>And always fool me<br>And I can't react  
>And games that never amount<br>To more than they're meant  
>Will play themselves out<em>

Elliot smiled at the young girl grasping Olivia's hand. "Hey there," he said softly.

"Hi," the girl responded, turning her face into her mother's skirt shyly.

Elliot looked back up the Olivia who was smiling down at her daughter. Her daughter. Was she married? Was Elliot too late? He had so many questions and he thought he might burst before he got the answers to them all.

Her eyes met his again and he fought for composure. He had to keep it together; he couldn't fall apart in front of her. He couldn't show her how wrecked he'd been these last six years.

Olivia, sensing his need to talk, kneeled down so she was eye-level with the little girl. "Mags, why don't you go inside and play for a little while?"

"Okay, Mommy," Maggie answered softly. After glancing at Elliot, then back at her mother, she made her way inside.

"Stay out of the kitchen, sweetie," Olivia called after her. "Dinner is cooking and I don't want you near the stove."

"Okay," Maggie called back.

Wordlessly, Olivia turned back to the man on her sidewalk. She slowly made her way down the steps and stopped just a few paces in front of him. He yearned to touch her, to run a finger down her cheek, to count her eyelashes, to lay his hands upon her collarbones. He restrained himself and stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

It hit him then how much this scene resembled one from six years earlier… the one in which she left him. He hoped this act had a happier ending.

"Elliot," Olivia whispered. "What are you doing here? How did you find me?"

She had questions, too, of course. He supposed his would have to wait. "I'm a detective, remember?" He smiled softly at her.

Olivia raised an eyebrow and looked at him wryly. She was demanding an answer from him. It was so… Olivia.

"I…" he stumbled. "Cragen made a few calls. Talked to your boss… your former boss… in L.A. He said you'd left the force and moved up here."

"And he just gave you my information?" Olivia was obviously irritated.

"Cragen told him that he was retiring and that he wanted to send you an invitation to his party," Elliot told her.

"Cragen's retiring?" she asked incredulously.

"No," Elliot responded sheepishly.

"Oh."

After a brief pause, Elliot continued. "I… I had to see you, Liv."

He saw Olivia fight against the corners of her mouth, which threatened to pull up into a smile. "I don't understand, El. Why now?"

Elliot sighed. "Everything was… wrong. Nothing is right when you're not around. It just doesn't make sense without you. And I couldn't take it anymore."_  
><em>

_Take this sinking boat and point it home  
>We've still got time<br>Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice  
>You'll make it now<em>

"Elliot," Olivia breathed. His admission was startling. She had left this all behind. She was determined to overcome the pain of her love for this man. She'd worked so hard to put him in the past. Leaving him was the hardest thing she'd ever had to do, but she'd done it. She had moved on. And here he was, standing in front of her, looking like a dream, and telling her that he couldn't handle being without her.

His eyes didn't leave her face and she felt her cheeks go warm. She wasn't sure she could take this, the inevitability that she would lose him again.

"Your daughter is beautiful," he whispered, glancing up toward the house. "She looks like you."

Olivia smiled. "She's my world."

Elliot only smiled and nodded his understanding. With five children, this was a feeling he knew well.

Olivia looked at him for a moment and sighed, smiling once more. "Well, dinner is almost ready. Would you like to come in?"

Elliot nodded to her and she turned to walk up the steps. She felt him watch her as she ascended the steps to the porch, she heard him behind her. It was so strange. He was here. Was he still the same person? She knew she wasn't. As she held the screen door open for him, she looked at him long and hard. His eyes looked tired, like he hadn't slept in weeks. He was a bit bulkier, as if he'd channeled all the frustration he'd described to her into exercising. That would be typical Elliot. She had so many questions for him, of course, but she also had to be cautious. She had her daughter to think about and couldn't afford to be careless with a man. Even if that man was Elliot.

He caught her staring and smiled at her, then turned to take in the rest of that house. "This is really nice, Liv."

Olivia let the screen door creek shut behind her and looked around her home. "Thank you. We love it here."

She walked to the right and peaked around the corner, checking to make sure Maggie was still playing quietly. She was coloring at the little table Olivia had bought for her last year. Olivia smiled at the sight.

"How old is she?" Elliot asked quietly from behind her. She turned and found him watching Maggie, a soft smile on his face.

"Four," Olivia said, trying to keep the hints of sadness out of her voice. The day Maggie was born was one of the greatest and worst days of her life.

"Good age," Elliot grinned.

Olivia smiled and nodded. She then brushed past him and walked to the kitchen, feeling Elliot close behind her. Upon entering the small but inviting kitchen, she walked straight to the refrigerator, pulling out a beer and popping the top off with the bottle opener magnet on the fridge. She set it on the small kitchen table for Elliot and smiled. "Have a seat. Unless you'd like to go color." She jerked her head slightly in the direction of the living room and smiled a wry smile.

Elliot chuckled and sat at the table, taking a swig of beer and watching Olivia pour herself a glass of wine from the open bottle on the counter. She took a small sip, set her glass down and made her way to the stove. She took the top of a pot of homemade spaghetti sauce and gave it a stir.

She smiled as the aroma hit her. Cooking was one of the new habits she picked up when she moved out of New York. She knew Elliot must be in shock and sure enough, when she looked over at him, he was eyeing the pot warily. She laughed. "I can cook now, I swear."

Elliot only nodded and smiled, taking another sip of his beer.

_Falling slowly, eyes that know me_  
><em>And I can't go back<em>  
><em>Moods that take me and erase me<em>  
><em>And I'm painted black<em>  
><em>You have suffered enough<em>  
><em>And warred with yourself<em>  
><em>It's time that you won<em>

Elliot watched her turn back to the pot on the stove, dip the wooden spoon in once more and lift a bit of sauce to her mouth. He watched her lips pucker as she softly blew to cool the hot liquid, then part to take the soup into her mouth, her tongue gracing the bottom of the spoon lightly. Elliot struggled to calm himself and fought against the tightening of his jeans. Thank God he was sitting down.

Olivia contemplated the taste then decided on a little more salt and freshly ground pepper, which she threw into the pot like a pro. Giving it a quick stir again, she replaced the lid and started another burner under a pot of water. Then she turned toward him.

"I'm afraid it's just spaghetti and meatballs tonight. Nothing fancy."

He smiled. "It smells great, Liv."

She smiled at him, then turned to open the oven door. The smell of homemade meatballs wafted through the kitchen and he inhaled deeply. This really was a whole new Olivia, he couldn't believe it. All he could do was watch her, take in this new sight and realize that, despite the fact that she was different, he was still in love with her.

He started slightly at the sound of the oven door closing and he smiled again as Olivia stood upright, lifted her wine glass from the counter and came to sit across from him at her kitchen table.

"So," she said, taking another sip of the crimson liquid. "How is New York?"

"It's fine," Elliot answered succinctly. He knew she was looking for more, but couldn't bring himself to fill her in about every tiny detail yet.

"And how's SVU?"

"It's fine."

Her eyes met his over her wine glass and she took another sip. She set her glass back on the table with a clink and swallowed. "Just fine? You can't give me a little bit more, El?"

Elliot sighed. "The guys are good. They're pretty much the same, you know how they are." Olivia nodded. "After you… left, they brought in two new detectives, Nick Amaro and Amanda Rollins."

"Oh?" Olivia raised her eyebrows, not bothering to hide her interest.

Elliot nodded. "They're good cops. Still getting their feet. It takes a while."

"I know," she smiled. "I remember."

Elliot nodded. "How about… you? I mean, how are you?"

"I'm… fine," Olivia smiled and stood to check if the water for her pasta was boiling. Classic Olivia, avoiding a question she didn't want to answer.

Elliot waited a moment and watched her fiddle with the pots on the stove, obviously busying herself with a task so he wouldn't press her for more information.

Then, he heard her sniffle. She was crying.

He stood and crossed the small kitchen to where she stood. "Liv?" There was a question in his voice. She didn't look at him, but he saw the tears quietly slipping down her cheeks, tiny rivers over the soft plains of her face. "Olivia?" He could only say her name in the hopes of not pushing her away. He needed her to come home to him. He took her chin between his thumb and forefinger and gently turned her face up towards his. It was the first time he'd touched her since he'd gotten out of the car. Her eyes opened up to him, like flowers seeking sunlight, and he felt the ground shake beneath his feet. Then, she spoke the words that made it impossible for him to be apart from her ever again.

"I'm just… really glad to see you."

And she moved forward, finally closing the gap between them and resting her head on his broad chest.

And they were home again.

_Take this sinking boat and point it home  
>We've still got time<br>Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice  
>You've made it now<br>Falling slowly sing your melody  
>I'll sing along<em>

__**Read and review! Please please please!**


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER: Characters aren't mine. Except Maggie; ain't she cute? Also, song genius isn't mine either. It's "Near to You" by A Fine Frenzy. And it's amazing.**

**Author's Note: Thank you SO much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! Again, still not sure where this is going, but I really love the exploration. **

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><p><em>He and I had something beautiful<br>__But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last  
><em>_I loved him so but I let him go  
><em>_'Cause I knew he'd never love me back  
><em>_Such pain as this  
><em>_Shouldn't have to be experienced  
><em>_I'm still reeling from the loss,  
><em>_Still a little bit delirious_

Elliot walked slowly around the bottom floor of Olivia's home, familiarizing himself with her new life. He still couldn't believe he was here, that she was here, that they were together again. Just being near her made everything easy, made him feel full and warm.

After they'd finished dinner, Maggie, who was steadily warming to Elliot, had jumped from her seat and grabbed his hand, tugging him out of his seat and toward the living room. She brought him to stand in front of the fireplace and pointed to the mantle. "See that picture there?" she had said.

Elliot looked from the small girl to the framed photo she was talking about, taking it in his hands and studying it carefully. It was a photo of Olivia and a man; they had obviously been very close. The man was grinning broadly and his arm was wrapped around Olivia's small waist. She, in turn, rested her hand and her head on his chest, a small smile gracing her lips.

"That's my daddy," Maggie said softly.

Elliot looked up quickly from the photo to the archway he and Maggie had come through, searching for Olivia, for an explanation. All he saw was a flash of Olivia's skirt as she quickly retreated into the kitchen. Elliot sighed and knelt down next to the child. "Is it?" he asked. Maggie only nodded in response. Elliot made a show of studying her face and smiled at her. "I think I see him in you a little bit."

Maggie broke out into a wide smile that melted Elliot's heart. "Really?"

"Really." Elliot smiled and handed her the picture. Maggie smiled at it for a moment before handing it back to him and running from the room.

"Mommy! Mommy!" she called.

Before Maggie could say another word, Elliot heard Olivia say, "Okay, kiddo, bath time! Up the stairs you go!"

Now, with the sounds of laughing and splashing coming from upstairs, Elliot found himself in front of that mantle again, studying the photo and running through the list of questions in his mind. His third bottle of beer was cold in his hands, but his heart was still warmed merely by the nearness of her.

_Near to you, I am healing_  
><em>But it's taking so long<em>  
><em>'Cause though he's gone<em>  
><em>And you are wonderful<em>  
><em>It's hard to move on<em>  
><em>Yet, I'm better near to you.<em>

Olivia came quietly down the stairs, a child monitor in her hands, and looked casually around for Elliot. These were the moments that Olivia both relished and despised. With Maggie around, it was easier to forget the past. But the silence… she'd always known, after making that decision years ago, that she'd hate it. And she did.

Elliot was nowhere to be found, so Olivia, on a hunch, picked up her half-full glass of wine and walked to the front screen door. It creaked open and she peaked out, catching sight of Elliot on the porch swing.

He heard her, looked up and smiled. "Hey," he said very softly, then turned to look out toward the street.

"Hey," she returned, stepping out onto the porch and walking to join him on the swing.

"It's really peaceful here," he said as she sat down.

"I know," Olivia agreed.

After a moment, he spoke again. "Are you happy?" He looked at her fully then, causing her head to spin a little.

She smiled somewhat sadly and nodded. "Most days I am."

She caught sight of Elliot's hands moving toward her and looked down. He had the photo in his hands and her breath caught in her throat. He handed it to her, his fingers brushing over hers, and Olivia stared at it. She had been so happy once. In her life, though, her happiness was always short-lived.

"Talk to me." Elliot's soft voice broke her thoughts and she looked up at him. His eyes, always her weakness, were warm and supportive. He wanted to know, to understand her pain. She couldn't run from him, not anymore.

Olivia looked down at the photo and ran her fingers across it. Sometimes she missed him so much…

"His name was Greyson. I met him not long after I moved to L.A. He worked in Homicide. He was… persistent," Olivia smiled at the memory. "But I wasn't ready. He understood. He let me work through my issues and became… my friend. A great friend."

_You and I have something different_  
><em>And I'm enjoying it cautiously<em>  
><em>I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard<em>  
><em>To get back to who I used to be<em>  
><em>He's disappearing<em>  
><em>Fading steadily<em>  
><em>I'm so close to being yours<em>  
><em>Won't you stay with me<em>  
><em>Please<em>

"_**Olivia."**_

_**She knew that voice and smiled. She felt his hands on the back of her neck, massaging the tension from her tired muscles.**_

"_**Grey." The name sighed from her mouth and she moaned a little at his touch.**_

"_**C'mon, love," he said. "This stuff can wait. Let me take you home."**_

_**He ran his hands down her arms and over her hands, touching the ring he'd given her just a week ago. She felt him smile and she couldn't help but mimic his action. She was happy. With him, she was finally happy.**_

_**She spun in her chair and took her face in her hands. She brushed her lips over his and smiled as he kissed her back. Their kiss ended and she pressed her forehead to his, looking into his green eyes. "Okay. Let's go home."**_

_**He reached behind her and turned off her desk light. She stood and he held her jacket for her, sliding it up her arms and then wrapping himself around her, planting a kiss into her hair. **_

_**He drove to her apartment and followed her up the stairs. As soon as the door shut behind them, he kissed her, weaving his fingers into her hair. She let him lead her to her bed, she let him make love to her that night, she let him hold her and bring her leftover Chinese food. She let him touch her belly, where the life of their child was growing. **_

_**Just one week ago their lives had changed. He'd given her a ring, she'd told him that, in seven months, she would be giving him a child. Their future was laid out before them. And Olivia couldn't have been happier. Finally.**_

_**As she drifted off to sleep that night, in the arms of the man she loved, she heard the words rumble from his chest. "I love you, Olivia."**_

_**She sighed and pressed herself into his chest. "I love you, Greyson."**_

_Near to you, I am healing_  
><em>But it's taking so long<em>  
><em>'Cause though he's gone<em>  
><em>And you are wonderful<em>  
><em>It's hard to move on<em>  
><em>Yet, I'm better near to you.<em>

"We were married in a courthouse before I started to show. I didn't want to be too pregnant in my wedding pictures," she laughed slightly. "For a few short months, my life was perfect." Olivia looked up at Elliot with tears in her eyes. "It was so perfect, El."

Elliot wordlessly reached over to take her hand. He was surprised when she let him. In this small gesture, he urged her to continue.

"The day Maggie was born…" Olivia sighed and Elliot sensed it was a struggle for her to continue. "I called him to let him know I was going to the hospital. When I couldn't reach him, I called his Captain to let him know. Grey was out on a call, but Captain Briggs would try to get a hold of him."

Elliot didn't like where this story was going, but he listened with a heavy heart.

"He died that day," Olivia tears spilled onto her cheeks. "A lunatic shot and killed my husband. I was giving birth and he was dying." Olivia choked back a sob. "I had been angry with him for not being there. I was so angry. And then I got the news. His partner came to tell me. And I lost it. I held my new daughter and I cried. I left the force and moved up here to raise my daughter on my own."

"Olivia," Elliot breathed. He hadn't realized he was squeezing her hand until she struggled against him a bit. He loosened his grip but didn't let her go. He couldn't let her go ever again.

"I miss him every day," Olivia admitted. "You would have liked him, El. He was smart, kind, funny. He liked the Jets."

Elliot chuckled and nodded.

"I see so much of him in Maggie," Olivia continued. "The way she studies me to get a read on my mood, the way she sleeps, her introspection." Olivia sighed and took a sip of her wine. "She's what gets me out of bed in the morning. My whole life is my daughter."

Elliot nodded. "She really is beautiful, Liv."

Olivia smiled and wiped the tears from her cheeks. She took a large sip of her wine and sighed. "I've never told the whole story to anyone before. Thank you for listening."

Elliot watched her touch the ring finger on her left hand and knew she was missing the feel of her ring there. He reached out to touch her. "You don't wear it anymore?"

Olivia shook her head. "I keep it in a box on my dresser. Looking at it everyday was too painful. And I needed to be strong for my daughter."

Elliot nodded. "I… I'm sorry, Olivia. I'm sorry you had to go through that. And I'm sorry I wasn't here for you."

_I only know that I am_  
><em>Better where you are<em>  
><em>I only know that I am<em>  
><em>Better where you are<em>  
><em>I only know that I belong<em>  
><em>Where you are<em>

"I struggled everyday with the idea of calling you," Olivia said. "In the end, though, I just… couldn't. I hope you understand."

"Of course I do," he said.

They paused then in an easy silence, neither one of them sure of what to say after such a story.

Elliot stared out at the dark street, at Olivia's neighborhood, and smiled. Despite the tragedy she had endured, she had created a beautiful life for her daughter. He knew that was important to her. And while he didn't know her husband, he knew that he'd be proud of the job she'd done. Suddenly, Elliot's eyes were wet. He couldn't believe how much he'd missed her. His best friend. The love of his life.

"El," Olivia's whisper caused him to turn his head. She saw the tears on his cheek and reached up to touch them. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a soft hug. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tight against him.

After many moments, they finally pulled apart, both wiping tears from their cheeks.

"Well," Olivia said, smiling. "Do you have to get anything out of your car? It's getting pretty late and I should probably show you to your room."

"Oh." Elliot had to admit he hadn't thought that far ahead. He'd only thought of getting to her. The idea of sleeping in the same house was surreal. "Sure, let me grab my bag."

They stood and she took his now empty bottle of beer, watching him descend the stairs and grab an overnight bag from the car. When she saw how small the bag was, her heart sank a little. It meant he wouldn't be staying long.

They walked back into the house and Olivia set their glasses in the kitchen, then joined him at the bottom of the stairs. Wordlessly, she led him up to the second floor. He looked at the pictures lining the stairwell; while Olivia had lost so much over the last several years, her life was by no means empty. Elliot was glad for that.

At the top of the stairs, Olivia pointed to the bathroom, which was directly across from the stairwell. She opened a linen closet and grabbed a few towels, telling him that if he needed an extra blanket, he could help himself to the ones stacked there. She pointed to Maggie's room, then led him down the hall again.

"Here's my room," she whispered. "And the guest room is right next door." She walked through an open door and clicked on a bedside lamp, setting the towels down on the bed. Elliot looked around the room and smiled. A double bed furnished with a summer quilt and six pillows, a small dresser along one wall and a glider in the corner. He thought of the many nights she must have spent in that glider, rocking Maggie to sleep, feeding her, maybe even singing to her. He smiled.

"It's great, Liv. Thank you," he said.

"You're welcome."

They stood for a moment and looked at each other. Olivia laughed slightly and tucked her hair behind her ear. "I… I don't want to say goodnight."

Elliot smiled and crossed the room to her, pulled her into an embrace. "Don't worry," he whispered into her ear. "I'll be here in the morning." He pulled back just a touch and kissed her temple. Then, bravely, he touched his lips to the corner of her mouth.

She breathed deeply and opened her eyes then, taking a small step back and smiling softly at him. "Goodnight, Elliot." She crossed to the door and touched her hand to the knob.

"Goodnight, Olivia."

She looked into his eyes once more and pulled the door shut behind her.

_Near to you, I am healing_  
><em>But it's taking so long<em>  
><em>Though he's gone<em>  
><em>And you are wonderful<em>  
><em>It's hard to move on<em>

_Near to you, I am healing_  
><em>But it's taking so long<em>  
><em>'Cause though he's gone<em>  
><em>And you are wonderful<em>  
><em>It's hard to move on<em>  
><em>Yet, I'm better near to you.<em>

_Yet, I'm better near to you._

**Did you like? Please let me know! Also, please check out the song. It is so incredibly beautiful. And what I love about it is that, for this chapter, it could be about any of the characters. Perfection. :)**


	5. Chapter 5

_****_**DISCLAIMER: Characters aren't mine. Except Maggie; she's super cute. :) Song genius belongs to Adele. Ah-mazing.**

**_A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Hope you enjoy the next chapter!_**

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><p><em>I heard that you're settled down<br>That you found a girl and you're married now.  
>I heard that your dreams came true.<br>Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you._

Old friend, why are you so shy?  
>Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.<p>

The first thing Elliot noticed when he awoke was that the light was different. He cracked one eye open and saw unfamiliar surroundings. "What the…" he started. Realization hit him.

_Olivia_.

He smiled softly, contentedly to himself.

He strained for a moment to hear the sounds coming from downstairs. It sounded like a family home, full of the hustle and bustle of the morning. He hadn't really given much thought to Olivia's life here in Portland and subsequently thought himself selfish for not considering that she might not be able to drop everything just because he was here. The choice to go to her had been such a life-altering decision for him… Olivia, on the other hand, had not asked him to come, had not been a part of this decision and had a young daughter to consider. Maggie needed routine and stability at her young age and Olivia, as her mother, had to provide it.

And waking up to a strange man in her home probably would be a bit disturbing for the girl.

So Elliot was at an impasse.

He sat up in bed and continued to listen to Olivia move around the kitchen, making breakfast and singing, something Elliot had never known her to do. He listened to Maggie, obviously in the kitchen with her mother, singing along and smiled at the fact that the child knew many of the words to the song, despite the fact that she probably had no idea what she was singing about.

Suddenly, from across the room, Elliot's cell phone, concealed in a pair of jeans thrown over the arm of a plush chair, began to ring. He leapt from bed and grabbed it, afraid that it might disrupt the happy noises coming from the bottom of the stairs.

He answered quickly, not bothering to look at the caller I.D. "Stabler," he said softly, pausing to listen to the person on the other end of the line.

"Oh… Kathy, hi…"

_I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited  
>But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.<br>I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded  
>That for me it isn't over.<em>

_Never mind, I'll find someone like you  
>I wish nothing but the best for you too<br>Don't forget me, I beg  
>I remember you said,<br>"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,  
>Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead, "<br>Yeah_

Olivia moved easily around her kitchen, the radio in the corner playing softly, her daughter sitting at the kitchen table, her breakfast sizzling on the stove, and smiled to herself softly. She loved the morning. These times with Maggie were cherished moments, quiet, easy, content. Olivia never wanted to forget them.

Despite the past 12 hours and the changes they brought to her life, Olivia relished the consistency of her morning routine with her daughter. She rose before the sun, showered and dressed quietly, then roused her daughter from bed. Maggie was a heavy sleeper, just like her father. Olivia, on the other hand, woke at the sound of a light rain falling outside her window. After giving her daughter some morning cuddles in the girl's bed, they both rose and Olivia, encouraging Maggie's independence, asked her daughter to pick out an outfit and get dressed. Then, she went downstairs to start her breakfast, Maggie taking the creaky wooden steps one at a time to join her not long after. After breakfast, teeth would be brushed, hair would be combed and it would be off to pre-school for the morning for the girl and work for Olivia.

Today, though, was different. Today, Elliot was here. And Olivia needed more time with him. She was almost desperate for it. They had so many things to discuss, to learn about each other again. He had helped fill the void she'd felt since she'd lost Greyson.

And so, Maggie would go to pre-school just like normal. But Olivia had taken a personal day at work and would spend the day with Elliot. She would pick her daughter up at lunchtime, like normal, and bring her to daycare, like normal. But instead of going back to work, she would come back to Elliot. She hoped.

She heard a soft noise coming from upstairs and smiled. She still couldn't believe he was here.

She scooped some eggs onto her daughter's small plate along with some cut up fruit and small pieces of bacon and brought it to her. "Here you go, sweetie."

"Thank you, Mommy!" Maggie said, setting down her crayon and picking up her fork.

"You're welcome," Olivia stroked her daughter's hair away from her face and placed a kiss on the top of her head. Then, she walked to the coffee pot and, after topping off her own coffee, she poured another cup for Elliot, fixing it the way she remembered he liked. She hoped that hadn't changed. Taking both steaming mugs in her hands, she ascended the stairs quietly. As she approached the door to her guest room, she paused, hearing Elliot's voice.

"Oh, hi Kathy," he said. Olivia's stomach hit the floor. He was still married. She should have known.

"I'm sorry I didn't call… I'm on… assignment. Out of state."

Olivia could stop the tears from forming in her eyes. He was married. He was married and lying to his wife about where he was, about her. She couldn't believe that she'd allowed herself to think that he'd meant anything by searching for her, by finding her, by coming to her. He just missed having her around, a friend, someone to call in the middle of the night, someone who knew how to make his coffee the way he liked it. He'd told her he loved her once, yes. But she couldn't think about that, despite the fact that it was the best string of words anyone had ever said to her. She not only had her heart to think of, but she had a daughter. She had to stay strong for Maggie.

She looked down at the steaming mugs in her hand and sighed, forcing the tears away and a smile to her face. Elliot was her friend; he wouldn't have come to her if he didn't need her in some way. She would be here for him, like she always way.

She heard him say goodbye to Kathy and she knocked softly on the door.

_You know how the time flies  
>Only yesterday was the time of our lives<br>We were born and raised  
>In a summer haze<br>Bound by the surprise of our glory days_

_I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited_  
><em>But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.<em>  
><em>I'd hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded<em>  
><em>That for me it isn't over.<em>

_Never mind, I'll find someone like you  
>I wish nothing but the best for you too<br>Don't forget me, I beg  
>I remember you said,<br>"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."  
>Yeah<em>

Elliot buried his face in his hands and sighed. He lied to his wife. Again. Why couldn't he just tell her where he was? Tell her it was over? Because, in reality, it _was _over. He hadn't had a marriage in a very long time. He thought, at one time, that he might be able to salvage what they had. But then, Olivia uttered those amazing words and his world changed. And then, she left. And she took his heart with her. And he just gave up. He had to get his life back; but this time, he'd get the life he always wanted: a life with her. With the love of his life. With Olivia.

He looked up quickly when he heard a soft knock on the door. He stood and crossed to the door, opening it softly and looking into her smiling face. "Morning," she whispered.

He couldn't help but smile. "Good morning," he replied, so softly.

She extended her hand, which held a huge blue mug full of steaming hot coffee. The moment its wonderful smell filled his nose, he awoke and felt ready to face the world. He took the cup and brought it to his nose, inhaling the strong, heady scent for a moment before taking a sip. It was perfect.

She remembered.

"You still take your coffee the same way, right?" Her voice was so soft, Elliot could barely hear her. It didn't matter; as long as she was there, he was fine.

"It's perfect, Liv," he said softly. What he meant was, _You're perfect. And I love you. Don't leave me ever again. _

She just thought he meant the coffee. So she smiled at him and took a sip from her own mug. They stood in silence for just a moment before he spoke again. "I don't know if you heard any—"

"I made some breakfast," Olivia broke in. "If you want to join us downstairs."

"Oh," Elliot said, caught off guard by her interruption. She obviously heard his conversation with Kathy. "I, uh, wasn't sure if, uh, I should…"

Olivia smiled, seemingly appreciative of his thoughtfulness. "Don't worry. I talked with Maggie this morning and told her that my friend would be staying with us for a bit."

"And she's okay with it?" Elliot asked.

"She's just fine," Olivia smiled again and, surprising Elliot again, reached out and squeezed his shoulder. Then, much to Elliot's delight, she flushed and cast her eyes to the ground. "I'll, um, see you downstairs, okay?"

Elliot merely nodded and felt a pull as Olivia walked away from him and down the stairs, leaving the door ajar, an open invitation to join her on the first floor.

"Mommy!"

Elliot's heart swelled as he heard Maggie call out in delight when she saw her mother re-enter the kitchen.

"Mags!" he heard Olivia call back. "How's your breakfast, little girl?"

"S'good," Maggie responded. "I drew you a picture!"

"You did? Wow! It's beautiful! Tell me about it."

"Well," Elliot heard Maggie start her explanation. "That's you."

"Am I wearing my favorite dress?" Olivia asked.

If Maggie responded, Elliot couldn't hear. Instead, he heard Olivia's voice again, "Who's that I'm holding hands with?"

"Oh, that's Elliot!"

The little girl's squeal made Elliot's heart stop. He listened almost impatiently for Olivia's response. "It is?" she asked, almost incredulously. She, like Elliot, could not believe the girl's perceptiveness. In the time she'd spent with the two of them, Maggie had obviously picked up on the subtleness of their relationship and their history.

"Yeah," Maggie confirmed. After a pause, she continued. "And that's Daddy."

There was a longer pause this time. "Up in the clouds there?" Olivia asked, softer than before.

"In heaven."

Tears filled Elliot's eyes. Olivia wasn't the only one who'd lost someone. Maggie would never know her father and it broke Elliot's heart. This family had been through unspeakable tragedy. And a strong desire to make it better, make it right, coursed through Elliot's veins. At that moment, he vowed to love Olivia, to love Maggie. They would be happy. No matter what.

_Nothing compares  
>No worries or cares<br>Regrets and mistakes  
>They are memories made.<br>Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?_

"Oh sweetie," Olivia whispered, looking down at her beautiful daughter who was looking up at her with wide, open, innocent eyes. "Your Daddy is looking down on you and smiling. He loved you before you were even born."

Maggie smiled and looked down at her picture. "Can we put it on the fridgerator?"

Movement in the entrance to the kitchen caught Olivia's eye and she looked up to see Elliot watching her intently. She felt the sting of tears and fought against them, refusing to let them slip down her cheeks. Not in front of Maggie. She looked back down at her dark haired child and smiled. "Of course we can, Mags."

She gently took the picture and turned toward the refrigerator, walking to it and placing the picture under a round magnet. "How's that?"

Maggie looked on in approval and nodded. "Good."

Olivia grinned and nodded back. "Good. Now upstairs with you, teeth brushed, hair combed, bed made, and then it's off to school."

Maggie jumped out of her chair and ran toward the stairs. "Hi Elliot!" she squealed as she ran past him to finish up her morning chores.

Olivia smiled awkwardly, brushed her hair behind her ear and went back to the kitchen table to clean up. She brought Maggie's dishes to the sink, then busied herself at the stove. "Have a seat, El. I'll fix you a plate."

She heard him move and assumed he headed to the table to sit down. Suddenly, she felt Elliot's presence behind her. He was so close, she could feel his chest expand with each breath he took. His hands came up to her biceps and he gave her a gentle squeeze. "Are you okay?" he whispered.

Olivia took a deep breath. "I'm fine." She felt him shift forward and then his nose was in her hair, inhaling her scent just as he'd done with his coffee. "Elliot…" she whispered.

"Olivia…" his voice was in her ear, his arms held her steady, grounded her.

She mustered all the strength she had left in her and turned around, looking into his cool blue eyes and biting her lip. "Thank you for asking." The polite words came from her mouth before she could stop them.

Elliot just smiled and took a step back, giving her space and wishing he could just stay close to her.

"Here you go," she handed him a plate of eggs, bacon and toast and turned back to the stove. As soon as she felt Elliot move toward the table, she spoke again. "I have to take Maggie to school, but… um…"

"Liv?" he said, his mouth full of eggs.

"I took a personal day from work," she said. "I thought, maybe, we could catch up."

Elliot grinned. "That would be great, Liv."

Olivia finally turned to him and smiled. "Okay. It's a date."

Elliot smiled at her and when she didn't look away, he stood and crossed the kitchen to where she stood by the stove. He reached up and softly touched her cheek, softly running his thumb across her smooth lips. Her eyes closed as she relished the feel of his fingers on her skin. "Olivia," he started to lean in.

Suddenly, her eyes shot open and she almost jerked away from him, clearing her throat and pushing herself off the stove. She quickly crossed the kitchen to the entry way, running a hand through her hair and calling up the stairs. "Margaret Grey Benson, hurry, hurry! We're going to be late!"

"Coming, Mom!" the little girl called back.

Maggie's name was not lost on Elliot. She had Olivia's last name and her father's first name. Then, a strange fact hit him. Olivia was a widow; and she still loved her husband. Very much, in fact. And here he was, pushing her, making a move on her while her four-year-old daughter was getting ready for school upstairs. It was time to slow down; he needed to be there for his friend, for this woman he loved.

_Never mind, I'll find someone like you  
>I wish nothing but the best for you<br>Don't forget me, I beg  
>I remember you said,<br>"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."_

Olivia descended the steps to her home to find Elliot sitting on her porch swing with another cup of coffee. He smiled at her and her heart melted. Why did he always have this effect on her?

"Maggie okay?" he asked her.

"Oh, yeah," Olivia answered. "She loves pre-school. I never have any trouble dropping her off."

Elliot smiled. "Good."

Olivia nodded and made her way to the door. "I'm going to get myself another cup of coffee. Would you like anything?"

Elliot shook his head. "Thank you."

Olivia made her way inside to the coffee pot and poured herself her third cup of hot coffee. She hadn't had a lazy morning in so long. It felt amazing. What made this morning even more incredible was… Elliot. Judging from their interaction that morning, he was obviously still in love with her. And she'd be lying if she said she didn't feel the same.

_He's married_, she thought. She'd had this same conversation with herself so many times over the years of their partnership. She hated that she was having it with herself _again_. She thought she was over this. She _was _over this. And then, he was on her doorstep, looking so good and bringing back the little pieces of her soul that had been taken from her when Greyson was killed. It felt so good, she finally felt like herself again.

She shook the thoughts from her head and made her way back to the porch, swinging the screen door open and loving the _crack! _as it closed behind her. She took in the sight of him on the swing. He was more relaxed than she'd ever seen him before. He looked more at home here in Portland than he'd ever looked in Manhattan. The thought of a life with him here flashed through her mind. But she couldn't let herself dwell on that.

She walked toward him and he moved over so she could join him on the swing. Instead she sat in the rocking chair adjacent to the swing and ignored Elliot's curious stare. She needed distance, space, in order to have this conversation. It was time.

"So," she said. She took a sip of coffee, attempting to delay her next sentence, even if only by a couple of seconds. "How's Kathy?"

_Never mind, I'll find someone like you  
>I wish nothing but the best for you too<br>Don't forget me, I beg  
>I remember you said,<br>"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,  
>Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."<em>


	6. Chapter 6

**DISCLAIMER: The characters aren't mine. The song isn't mine either. It belongs to Sara Bareilles. **

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><p><em>I never meant to be the one to let you down<br>__If anything, I thought I saw myself going first  
><em>_I didn't know how to stick around  
><em>_How to see anybody but me be getting hurt_

_I keep remembering the summer night_  
><em>And the conversation breaking up the mood<em>  
><em>I didn't want to tell you, you were right<em>  
><em>Like the season changing, oh, I felt it too<em>

Elliot's stomach dropped to the floor. The way she was avoiding his eyes confirmed his earlier suspicions: she'd heard his conversation with his wife that morning. And she was hurt more than she'd ever tell him. Damn it, he'd already broken his promise to himself; he could practically see the ache in her heart.

"Olivia…" he spoke softly.

At the sound of his voice, her eyes darted up to his before flitting away quickly, out toward the street. "She must be wondering where you are…"

The words were a dagger to his heart. All he could think was that Olivia had been through enough and here he was, causing her more pain. "She was, yeah." He knew he was being unforthcoming and he hated himself for it. This would have pissed the old Olivia off to no end. The old Olivia would have demanded he talk to her, demanded he tell her the truth.

Instead, this new Olivia he was still getting to know, her eyes still watching the street, simply nodded almost imperceptibly. After an excruciatingly long pause, she finally forced her eyes to his. Elliot felt himself wither slightly under her stare. God, she was beautiful.

"Why didn't you tell me, Elliot?" she asked. Her voice wasn't accusing, but inquiring, almost pleading. She needed answers from him.

Elliot sighed. She had opened up to him so fully last night. Now it was his turn. He took a deep breath and said, "I'm sorry." He paused and she only stared at him, waiting for him to continue. She was telling him that _sorry _wasn't enough. So he pushed forward. "You should know… I've been a wreck since you left."

"Elliot…"

"No, please," he put his hands up, leaning forward and placing his elbows on his knees. He pressed his fingertips together and closed his eyes, centering himself and taking another deep breath. He opened his eyes again and found hers, smiling softly at the sight of her face. He had to tell her; she was here and he loved her. And she deserved the truth. He reached forward and clasped one of her hands in his. He saw the small smile creep over her lips and felt encouraged.

"The last time I saw you, Olivia, was the last time I felt happy. After you left, I… I…"

_Tell you, you idiot, she needs to know, _he mentally punched himself.

"I vacated my life," she finished his sentence for him and his eyes snapped to hers. She understood. She knew everything. She'd gone through it, too.

_Does anybody know how to hold my heart  
>How to hold my heart?<br>'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go too soon  
>I want to tell you so before the sun goes dark<br>How to hold my heart  
>'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go of you<em>

As soon as the words left her mouth, Olivia felt the shock of them cross over her face. She felt so uninhibited and it surprised her. The truth of the matter was, Elliot had misled her. And she deserved an honest answer. She had been honest with him last night; she'd poured her heart out all over the floor. Now, she knew it was his turn to tell his story.

"Yes," he breathed. "I did. I abandoned everything. Everything but my children and even that was a struggle."

She understood this feeling well, this feeling of trying, of fighting to remain strong for one's child. It was one of the hardest parts of parenting.

"I don't exactly know what my breaking point was, but I finally had enough. I had to get to you, it was the only thought in my head."

"Elliot," Olivia whispered.

"No, wait," he squeezed her hand in his and pleaded with her to let him continue. "You have to understand, I have to make you understand… my marriage to Kathy… it was over a long time ago. But… after you left, I… God, I couldn't fight her through a divorce. It would have killed me… but now, I'm here, with you. And I feel like myself again."

His eyes bore into hers and she felt a small earthquake rumble in her heart.

"Don't you see, Olivia?" She felt him clutching her hand, felt his words in her heart. "I belong here, with you. We belong together."

With those words, Olivia felt herself come undone. She let out a shuddering breath and fought the sting of tears in her eyes. She'd cried so much in the past six years, she was surprised there were still tears left. "Elliot," she whispered. "I… I…"

When the words wouldn't come, she panicked. She had to clear her head, she needed to not be so close to him. She quickly pushed herself out of her chair and desperately seeking an escape, went for her front door, swinging it open and letting it slam shut behind her. Her feet took her into her living room of their own accord, she was too wrapped up in her thoughts to care.

Elliot was here, he wanted to be with her, he still loved her. But it had been so long, she'd worked so hard to move on, to leave her past in the past. In their six years apart, Olivia had fallen in love, gotten married, had a child and become a widow. How could she possibly compete with the emotions coursing through her?

She felt the sobs start wracking her body, starting in her stomach, moving through her shoulders and finally working their way over her lips. She clamped her hands over her mouth, hoping Elliot couldn't hear her.

She heard the screen door creak and crack shut and she knew Elliot had come after her. She turned away from him, toward the mantle, and her eyes fell on the picture of her and Greyson. She slowly took one of her hands from her mouth and stroked the frame of the picture softly, as if asking him what she should do.

She felt Elliot behind her, his soft hands cascading lightly down her arms, and she squeezed her eyes shut.

"Liv," he whispered. "Please, look at me. Talk to me."

She couldn't, she wouldn't. She shook her head and rested her hand on the mantle, as if to steady her, while keeping the other clamped across her mouth.

She felt Elliot take a step forward and press his chest into her back. His voice was soft in her ear when he said, "I know you've gone through so much since we've been apart. I don't want to take anyone's place, but… I love you. I always have."

A fresh wave of tears surged down Olivia's cheeks as she sobbed silently into her palm.

_I'm not the kind to try to tell you lies_  
><em>But the truth is you've been hiding from it too<em>  
><em>I see the end sneaking in behind your eyes<em>  
><em>Saying everything no words could ever do<em>

_Does anybody know how to hold my heart_  
><em>How to hold my heart?<em>  
><em>'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go too soon<em>  
><em>I want to tell you so before the sun goes dark<em>  
><em>How to hold my heart<em>  
><em>'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go of you<em>

Elliot's heart broke at the sight of the woman he loved trying so desperately to hide from him the fact that she was breaking open where she stood.

"Olivia," he whispered. "Olivia, please…"

His hands, seemingly of their own free will, came up to brush the hair from her neck before sliding back down her arms. His lips found their way to the spot where her beautiful shoulder met the sweet curve of her neck and he heard her take in a sharp breath. He slowly wound his strong arms around her slim waist as he pulled her closer to him. He kissed the same spot before burying his face in her hair. He'd waited so long to be here with her, it was almost too much for him to take. He needed to take in every bit of her: how she felt, how she smelled, how she sounded, how she tasted. He needed this. He needed her.

He could feel every breath she took and soon, he felt the rise and fall of her chest become steady. He could feel the tension in her body slowly fade away. She was healing, sewing herself back up right in front of him.

What he didn't know, however, was what that meant.

He didn't know if she'd come to a decision or if she was simply trying to hide from him. He knew it could go either way. But for him, he was done hiding. He just wanted to be with her.

Her hands found his as she loosened his grip on her body. Much to Elliot's desire, she didn't push him away; she'd simply opened the cocoon he'd created so she could move within it. She turned in his arms and placed her hands on his chest before bringing her eyes up to meet his.

He waited for her, just as he'd always waited for her, to move. It had to be her choice, this he knew. He couldn't make it for her.

He felt her run her hands up his chest and over her shoulders, coming to rest on the sides of his face. Finally, ever so slowly, Olivia, the woman of his dreams, leaned up and softly captured his lower lip between her own.

For a moment, he couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. Their first and only kiss had changed his life. And he'd almost forgotten how amazing it felt to have her lips on his. She made the world stop turning. She made all of his worries cease to exist. She made life worth living.

Finally, regaining his senses, he tightened his grip on her body, pressing her close to him and covering her mouth with his. He breathed her in so deeply; he felt the soft cotton of her t-shirt bunch in his fists; he felt her wind her arms around his neck and press her body more fully against his.

He couldn't help it. He took her hips in his hands and spun her around, seeking a surface on which to lay her down. He found her couch and it would have to do. He laid her down and settled himself between her legs, fisting his fingers in her hair and securing her mouth to his.

He felt her hips buck slightly in response to the weight of his body and the roaming of his hands. And he couldn't help the soft moan that escaped him as his body reacted to hers.

_Is anybody listening?_  
><em>'Cause I'm crying<em>  
><em>Is anybody listening?<em>

He overwhelmed her, filled her senses with his voice, his hands, his mouth. He was all she could feel. He was all she ever wanted to feel ever again.

But when he emitted that moan, that soft sigh, Olivia felt her muscles tense.

_No._

This couldn't be right. This wasn't right.

She felt her hands move to his strong, broad chest and push him away. She moved out from underneath him and felt her body grow cold at the lack of contact. Pushing him away was the hardest thing she'd ever done and yet, it was the one thing she continued to do. Over and over again.

She straightened her shirt and ran her hand through her hair, attempting to compose herself.

"Olivia?" his hurt, inquiring voice found her ears. She forced herself to stay strong. She turned and faced him. He was still on the couch, still disheveled and sexy. It took everything in her to not cross the room and cover his mouth with hers.

"Elliot," she sighed, surprising herself when she heard the husky tone in her voice. "I can't… I can't do this. Maggie…"

Elliot nodded and sat up on the couch, straightening himself out. "I understand."

Olivia hated that she'd hurt him. Again. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

Elliot stood and crossed the room to her side. "Don't be." His fingers ran down her cheek and she closed her eyes at his touch. She felt his weight shift and felt his lips brush over hers. "I love you," he whispered.

Olivia opened her eyes and looked into his. It was all she needed to know. "I… I just need time, Elliot." He nodded. "And I need you to not be married anymore."

She smiled. She watched him smile in return.

After a moment, he nodded his head. Just once. And it was all she needed. They would figure the rest out later.

_Does anybody know how to hold my heart_  
><em>How to hold my heart?<em>  
><em>'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go too soon<em>  
><em>I want to tell you so before the sun goes dark<em>  
><em>How to hold my heart<em>  
><em>'Cause I don't want to let go, let go, let go of you<em>


	7. Chapter 7

**DISCLAIMER: Elliot and Olivia aren't mine. Doesn't stop me from loving them like they are, though! Also, song genius: "Landline" by Greg Laswell.**_  
><em>

**This chapter is Rated M for mature content!**

**_A/N: Sorry for the delay. I've been suffering from a bit of writer's block. Please read and review. You have no idea what it does for an author's motivation!_  
><strong>

_I think the tree may fall in the front yard  
>if this storm has its way<br>I hear you dancing on the floorboards above  
>unaware of what's at stake<em>

Elliot stared at the ceiling from his bed in Olivia's guest bedroom, his hands tucked behind his head, listening to the sound of a steady rain falling outside. A storm was rolling in, he could tell, as the curtains of his open window moved softly in the breeze. He knew he should get up and close it, but he couldn't bring himself to move.

He knew Olivia was lying in her bed, just on the other side of the wall her room shared with his. He could practically feel her, sense her presence. Slowly, he reached one hand up and pressed it to the wall behind his head. It was silly, he knew, but it made him feel closer to her.

He'd struggled all day to keep from touching her, kissing her, but he'd done it. He would respect her wishes, do right by her. He would fix this.

They'd had a good day. They spent it on her porch mostly, talking, drinking coffee, catching up. He waited for her while she picked Maggie up from school and dropped her at day care. He grinned when he saw her car pull into the driveway; he had to fight the urge to jump up, bound down the steps, grab her and press her to him.

When it was time to pick Maggie up for the day, Elliot went with her. His heart surged when he saw Olivia's daughter run to her, squeal "Mommy!" and launch herself into Olivia's arms. Olivia laughed and lifted her daughter off the ground, covering her in kisses and swinging her around. When Maggie's feet were firmly planted on the ground, she ran to Elliot and wrapped herself around his leg, squeezing him tight and singing out "Hi, Elliot!"

At that moment, Elliot realized that he loved this little girl as his own daughter. He would do anything to make her happy. And he wanted to make a life with her and her mother. He needed the chance to make it right. They deserved nothing less, considering all the heartbreak they had both endured.

A flash of lightning set the room ablaze, followed by a loud rumble of thunder and finally, a down-pouring of rain. Finally, Elliot threw back his quilt and swung his feet to the floor, silently standing and crossing the room to the open window. Upon quietly shutting it, he heard tiny footsteps and tiny cries run down the hallway.

Then, he heard her voice. "What's wrong, sweetheart? Did the storm scare you?"

While he couldn't hear, Elliot determined that little Maggie had responded in the affirmative, because Olivia said, "Why don't you come snuggle with me?"

Maggie's little feet padded softly across the floorboards and then there was silence. Elliot slowly crossed the room to his door, creaking it open and silently taking the three steps into Olivia's doorway. Upon seeing him there, Olivia smiled over her daughter's small head. "Hey," she whispered.

Maggie's tear streaked face turned toward him in that moment and Elliot felt his heart surge. "Elliot," she hiccupped. "Are you scared of the storm, too?"

Elliot smiled and replied softly, "I don't like them much, Maggie. But I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"If you're scared, you can come cuddle with me and Mommy," Maggie whispered. "She makes me not scared anymore." Another flash of lightning streaked through the room and the little girl buried her face into her mother's neck.

Seeing her distress, Elliot crossed the room and sat gingerly on the edge of the bed. "Hey, sweetie, it's okay," he rubbed Maggie's back softly. "I know it can be scary, but do you know what thunder is?"

"What?" she said through her tears, looking back at Elliot again.

"It's angels. They're bowling."

With that, Maggie giggled. "Bowling?"

"Yeah," Elliot grinned. "The loud thunder crashes are all the pins they're knocking down."

Maggie giggled again and snuggled into her mother's side. "Will you lay down next to me, Elliot?"

Elliot looked to Olivia who simply stared at him with soft, sweet eyes. "Of course I will, sweetheart." He moved himself back against the headboards and stretched his arm around the pair of them, resting his hand just behind Olivia's head. She smiled warmly at him.

"Try to sleep now, Mags, okay?" Olivia whispered, stroking her daughter's hair back from her face and softly kissing her forehead.

As Maggie took a deep breath and closed her eyes, Elliot just looked at Olivia. He couldn't take his eyes from her face. She was so beautiful, bathed in the flashes of lightning that lit up the room. He gently picked up the hand that was resting on the headboard behind her and touched her cheek, smiling softly as she turned her face toward his touch.

_All I ever needed was a landline  
>just in case the power lines go down<br>All I needed would never be enough for me_

She couldn't take her eyes from his face. She still had trouble believing he was so near to her, that he could love her, that he was in her bed. That said, she couldn't think of any place she'd rather be. Next to him. It was her rightful place in this world.

The storm surged outside, but Olivia simply wrapped herself in this cocoon she'd created around her, Elliot and Maggie. In that moment, she was content. She needed nothing else. Only her daughter safe and sound, curled up against her, and Elliot's hand on her cheek.

Time slipped away as Olivia and Elliot gazed at each other wordlessly. She had no idea how long they stared at each other, but soon Olivia felt her daughter's steady breathing against her and, tearing her eyes from Elliot's face, looked down to find her sleeping soundly. She smiled gently, loving the soft, sweet look on her daughter's face, feeling comforted at her contentment.

Maggie was clearly taken with Elliot and felt safe with him close by. She'd never known her father and Olivia's heart wept for that. Before Elliot had come back into her life, Olivia's worry for her daughter growing up without a father-figured consumed her. Would Maggie ever get to attend a father/daughter dance? Would she have someone to walk her down the aisle when she met a man she loved and decided to marry him? Would her children have someone they could call "Grampa?" Would this little girl ever have someone she could call "Daddy?"

Those thoughts had rapidly changed when Elliot kissed her that afternoon. Her worries all but ceased. Elliot could be Maggie's daddy; he was enamored with her, Olivia knew. But he already had five children, all of whom lived back in New York City. Could she really ask him to be a father to her child as well?

As she looked back up into his face, she smiled and knew the answer to that question immediately. For Elliot's eyes were smiling down on Maggie's sleeping face and Olivia knew he already thought of her as his own.

She couldn't help but think of Greyson. How much he would have loved Maggie, how alike they were. She was proud that her daughter was so like her father and, despite the fact that he was gone and Olivia had to move on, would continue tell her stories about Grey, how brave and kind and funny he was, about how he would talk and coo to his unborn child growing in Olivia's belly, about how excited he was to become a father.

She hoped that Greyson was smiling down on them now, pleased that Olivia had fallen in love again and found a good man to help her raise their child. She knew he would want her to be happy. She knew he'd be pleased with the daughter she'd raised so far and the decisions she continued to make where Maggie was concerned. She knew he would have liked Elliot. She knew he was okay with her choice. She felt it in her heart.

Olivia quietly broke the comfortable silence between her and Elliot. She whispered, "I should get her back to bed."

Elliot's eyes met hers and he smiled. "Let me."

Olivia returned his warm smile and simply said, "Okay."

_I think the storm may take the screen door_  
><em>if the wind gets its way<em>  
><em>I hear you singing on the floor just below<em>  
><em>unaware of what's at stake<em>

Elliot gently cradled Maggie in his arms, silently carrying her down the hall to her bedroom. So gently, he laid her down in her little bed and, kneeling next to the small wooden structure, he pulled her quilt over her tiny shoulders.

He touched her soft, dark hair and looked at her eyelashes brushing her rosy cheeks. She looked so like Olivia and Elliot smiled for that. He leaned down and gently kissed the girl's temple. She stirred, sighed and turned over without waking. He smiled and whispered, "Goodnight, Maggie."

Touching her hair one last time, he stood and silently crossed the room, clicking on a little light shaped like an owl and partially closing her bedroom door. He softly padded down the hallway and peaked into Olivia's room. She was leaning back against her pillows and watching the storm rage outside, listening to the rain pound against her windows.

He smiled at her apparent contentedness. She was so much happier here, in the peace and quiet, than she'd ever been in the hustle and bustle of New York. She fit here, she made sense. He had always thought she was beautiful. But here, in the lush green of Oregon, she glowed. Of course, that may have had something to do with her beautiful daughter, but he liked to think that she would have bloomed out here even without Maggie.

He quickly shook that thought from his head. A life without Maggie was impossible to think of. Elliot knew he would have to go back to New York. And soon. And the thought of being without Olivia, without Maggie was almost too much to bear.

He was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't even notice that Olivia was looking at him. "Elliot?" she whispered. He looked at her and gave her a small smile. "Everything okay?" She sat up a little straighter in her bed.

Elliot nodded. "Maggie is sound asleep."

"Thank you," Olivia whispered. "She adores you."

Elliot grinned. "I adore her, too, Liv. She is a wonderful little girl; you've done an amazing job."

Olivia smiled and bit her lip. "Thank you," she breathed. "Sometimes, I wish more than anything that I wasn't doing it alone." She sighed softly and, as she stared back out the window, a look of sadness washed over her pretty features. "She will never know her father, Elliot. I wish I could give her her Daddy back."

Elliot nodded his understanding and crossed the room to sit on the edge of Olivia's bed. "I didn't know him," he started softly. "But I know that he would be so proud of you. _I _am proud of you, Olivia. I always knew you'd make an incredible mother."

His words brought Olivia back to the present and she turned her head, smiling softly at him. "Thank you," she whispered again, reaching out and grasping his hand.

Elliot squeezed his response and smiled. After a moment, he spoke again. "Goodnight, Olivia."

She smiled, releasing his hand. "Goodnight, Elliot."

He touched her cheek once more, rose and quietly padded out of the room. Once back in the confines of the guest bedroom, he sighed softly and proceeded to climb back into bed. Just as he was about to lay back on the pillows, he saw her frame outlined in the doorway. He stared at her wordlessly and, after what seemed like an eternity, she crossed the room to him and, taking his face in her hands, covered his mouth with her own.

_All I ever needed was a landline  
>just in case the power lines go down<br>All I needed would never be enough for me_

She had no idea what possessed her to go to him. All reason told her to stay in her own room. He was married. She had a daughter to think of. He would eventually have to go back to New York. She was a widow. They had an entire history between the two of them, one that was both beautiful and terrible, and she wasn't sure they'd be able to overcome it.

But she loved him.

She needed him.

She wanted him.

So, she went to him. Her feet carried her forward of their own volition and soon, she was wrapped in his arms, kissing him, touching him, feeling him. They both balanced on their knees atop the guestroom's bed, his fingers ran through her hair while hers wound around his waist, pressing him to her.

She felt his tongue trail down her neck, felt his mouth gently suck on the skin behind her ear, branding her, marking her. She knew, despite her immense love for Greyson, she had always been Elliot's. They had always belonged to each other.

Suddenly, she felt Elliot's mouth leave her body. He was there, in front of her, looking into her eyes, his own eyes full of questions. His fingers were tracing the outlines of her face, the muscle memory recalling their years together. "Olivia?" His voice was soft.

She brought her hands to his face and began the same process of outlining his features, of learning Elliot all over again. She leaned forward and kissed him softly. "Elliot," she murmured against his lips. "I love you."

She knew that truer words had never been spoken.

_All I ever needed was a landline_  
><em>just in case the power lines go down<em>  
><em>All I needed would never be enough for me<em>

As soon as the words tumbled from her mouth, Elliot knew it was over. His life as he knew it was finished. He had everything he needed right here in the quaint family home in Portland, Oregon. He would do whatever it took to be here with Olivia, with the little girl he thought of as his own daughter.

"Olivia," he breathed. He couldn't stop kissing her. It was as if he was afraid she'd slip away. He took her hips in his hands and gently guided her onto the bed, covering her body with his own. He slid his hands under the camisole she wore and trailed it up her body before discarding it to the floor. Each time a new piece of skin was revealed, he kissed it.

She seemed to have the same idea, for as she pulled his t-shirt over his head, she brought her mouth to his broad shoulders and covered them with hot, open-mouthed kisses. She ran her fingertips up his spine, causing him to shiver involuntarily. He loved it.

The feeling of her breasts pushed up against the skin of his chest was almost too much for him to take. He distracted himself with removing her tiny sleep shorts, which soon joined the matching camisole on the floor. Upon removing this last bit of clothing, he sat back on his heels and took in the sight of her, naked and splayed out before him.

He'd never seen anything so beautiful.

After a moment, she sat up to meet him, kissing his mouth and running her thumbs under the hem of the athletic shorts he'd worn to bed that night. She tugged and he grinned, bringing his hands down to meet hers. Together, they stripped him of his last piece of clothing. Once the last barrier was removed, Olivia smoothly laid back on the bed, her hand behind Elliot's neck, bringing him along with her.

She kissed him once more and nodded almost imperceptibly. Grasping him in her hands, she guided him to the place she most needed him to be; the place he most wanted to be. She was ready for him, her warm wetness surrounding him as he began to slowly push himself inside her, staring into her soft brown eyes and feeling the love radiating from them.

Those eyes widened just slightly and she gasped softly. Elliot paused his motions and breathed, "Am I hurting you?"

She shook her head. "No, you're perfect. It's just been a while."

Elliot nodded. "What can I do? What do you need?"

"Kiss me."

_All I ever needed was a landline  
>just in case the power lines go down<br>All I needed would never be enough for me_

Olivia felt him lean down and capture her lips with his own. His tongue sought entrance into her mouth which she willingly granted, tangling his with her own. Her body molded to his and soon, he was buried deep inside her. She had never known completeness until this moment.

That is, until he began to move.

_All I needed would never be enough for me_  
><em>All I needed would never be enough for me<em>

They breathed heavily, the rises and falls of their chests matching perfectly. He couldn't tear his eyes from hers. Not thirty seconds prior, he had experienced pure bliss. He had felt her shatter around him, pulsing and throbbing, biting down hard on her lip to keep from crying out. Fearing that she would draw blood, Elliot kissed her, absorbed her cries in his mouth, and soon followed her, spiraling into heaven.

As their blood slowed and their eyes locked, grins began to work their way over their faces.

They had everything they needed. Finally.

_All I needed would...  
>All I needed would never be enough for me<br>All I needed would never be enough for me_


	8. Chapter 8

__**DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters, except the ones I've created. Also, song genius belongs to Paramore. **

* * *

><p><em>When I was younger I saw my daddy cry<br>and curse at the wind.  
>He broke his own heart and I watched<br>as he tried to reassemble it.  
>And my momma swore<br>that she would never let herself forget.  
>And that was the day that I promised<br>I'd never sing of love if it does not exist._

_But darling,  
>You are the only exception.<br>You are the only exception.  
>You are the only exception.<br>You are the only exception._

Elliot's eyes never left Olivia's as he shifted gently, rolling to his side and taking her with him. His face was mere inches from hers and he breathed her in deeply, relishing the closeness, the intimacy. He couldn't take his eyes off her. Her flushed cheeks, her swollen lips, the slight sheen of sweat along her forehead, he put them all on the list of things that made her beautiful.

He reached up and touched his thumb to her cheek, softly tracing her delicate features and smiling. She grinned in response and turned her face toward her pillow shyly. His smile couldn't help but mirror hers. He never would have thought she'd be shy in bed, but then again, these were not normal circumstances. They weren't just two casual people, dating, sleeping together. They were Elliot and Olivia and they'd made love after so many years of restraint, angst and absence. And, truth be told, he found her shyness endearing. He mentally added it to his ever growing list.

"Elliot," she whispered, reaching up to grasp his hand.

"Olivia," he responded, her name a sonnet tumbling from his lips. She was poetry.

"Elliot, I love you."

She had only said it to him a few times and he already knew he would never get tired of hearing it.

"I love you," he responded, wrapping his arms around her and covering her mouth with his own.

_Maybe I know somewhere_  
><em>deep in my soul<em>  
><em>that love never lasts.<em>  
><em>And we've got to find other ways<em>  
><em>to make it alone.<em>  
><em>Or keep a straight face.<em>  
><em>And I've always lived like this<em>  
><em>keeping a comfortable distance.<em>  
><em>And up until now I've sworn to myself<em>  
><em>that I'm content with loneliness.<em>

_Because none of it was ever worth the risk._

_Well you are the only exception._  
><em>You are the only exception.<em>  
><em>You are the only exception.<em>  
><em>You are the only exception.<em>  
><em>You are the only exception.<em>

Olivia felt Elliot's breath on her face as his movements slowed on top of her. She ran her fingertips up his smooth, bare back and came to rest them on the sides of his face, bringing his lips down to meet hers. As their lips parted, Elliot rested his head on her chest and she smoothed her fingers through his short hair, kissing the crown of his head.

She'd never felt anything like this. Finally, she felt complete. She had her beautiful daughter. And now, she had Elliot. She'd never stopped loving him, not once. That much she knew. She laid her head back on the pillows and closed her eyes, relishing the weight of Elliot on her. It was relaxing, comforting, having him so close.

The next time she opened her eyes, light was streaming through the windows and she was alone. She looked around for Elliot, but he was nowhere to be found. She felt a moment of panic and then breathed a sigh of relief. Saturday. It was Saturday.

She rose from bed and snatched the button down shirt Elliot had worn yesterday off the back of the chair in her guest room. She slipped it over her shoulders and began to button it, fumbling a little as she recalled their night together.

She heard the slight creak of the door and turned to see Elliot peaking his head in, holding two cups of coffee in his hand. She saw his eyes take in the sight of her body and watched a grin spread across his handsome features. He sauntered toward her, hunger in his eyes. "God," he breathed. "You look sexy in that."

Olivia grinned at him and said, "This old thing?" She winked at him and took one of the mugs from his hand, taking a sip and maintaining eye contact with Elliot over the rim of the cup. As she swallowed, she felt Elliot's fingertips on her hips, drawing her closer and covering her mouth with his own. She smiled against his lips and as they parted, she brought her free hand to Elliot's cheek and caressed him softly.

She set her mug down on the dresser and snatched a pair of Elliot's boxer briefs off the ground, slipping them over her legs. She saw Elliot's eyes grow darker as he grinned at her, moving to kiss her again.

"Mommy!" Olivia heard Maggie's shout as she stomped up the stairs and stepped away from Elliot quickly.

"In here, Mags," Olivia called back, smiling as Maggie appeared in the doorway.

"Hi!" Maggie grinned back, launching herself into Olivia's arms, planting a kiss on her cheek as her mother lifted her from the ground. "Whatcha doin' in here?"

Olivia smiled at her. "Just saying good morning to Elliot."

"Oh," Maggie said. "I already did that. And he made me breakfast!"

"He did?" Olivia looked at Elliot and smiled gratefully. "You didn't have to do that, El."

"I wanted to," he replied. "We had a good morning, right Maggie May?"

"Right!" Maggie's tiny fist shot into the air, making both Olivia and Elliot laugh.

"Well, little girl," Olivia said. "Now that breakfast is over, I think it's time for you to get dressed. Don't forget to make your bed and brush your teeth and hair."

"Okay!" Maggie wiggled and Olivia set her down. She wasted no time in running from the room to finish her morning chores.

"Elliot," Olivia breathed, taking a step closer to him. "Thank you."

Words couldn't describe how touched she was at the bond forming between Elliot and Maggie. It was clear to her that her daughter adored this man and she knew the feeling was mutual. It was getting easier and easier to imagine a life with Elliot, to imagine getting her happy ending. The look in his eyes moved her, touched parts of her soul that she thought were dead and buried. With Elliot by her side, she felt alive, whole and beautiful again.

_I've got a tight grip on reality,_  
><em>but I can't let go of what's in front of me here.<em>  
><em>I know you're leaving in the morning<em>  
><em>when you wake up.<em>  
><em>Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream.<em>

Elliot smiled as he watched the emotions run across Olivia's beautiful face. "Liv," he said softly, cupping her cheek in his hand and bringing her lips to his. He felt her pour herself into their kiss and then pull back to smile at him before leaning forward to rest the crown of her head on his chest. His hand came up to stroke the back of her neck softly and he whispered, "Liv, I have to go back to New York."

He heard her sigh softly before whispering, "I know."

"Hey," he said softly, cupping her face to bring her eyes up to meet his. "You said you needed me to not be married anymore. This situation…" he gestured to the two of them. "Isn't fair to anyone."

Olivia nodded. "You have a responsibility to your children. To Kathy. I understand, El."

"Yes, I do," he said. "But I also have a responsibility to you and Maggie. I love you. Both of you." Olivia smiled softly, but didn't speak, so he continued. "I booked a flight this morning. I leave this afternoon."

"So soon?"

"I need to, Liv," he said and she nodded her understanding. "But I will be back. As soon as I can. You have my word."

Olivia smiled and leaned up to kiss him.

_You are the only exception._  
><em>You are the only exception.<em>

Olivia stood in the doorway to the guest room and peered in. The bed was made, there was no watch on the bedside table, no duffel bag in the corner, little evidence that he'd even been there to begin with.

She sighed and took a sip of the crimson wine she'd been swirling around her glass. Her house was quiet, Maggie was finally asleep after shedding some tears about how she missed Elliot. Her loneliness threatened to consume her, but she fought it, struggled with all her might. He would be back. He promised.

Olivia stepped softly into the room and sat on the bed, tracing her fingertips over the pillows. After the time she'd spent in this bed with Elliot, she wasn't sure she'd be able to sleep anywhere else. How she missed him.

She sighed and looked around the room when something in the corner caught her eye. She stood to investigate and grinned as the realization hit her. It was his shirt, the one she'd worn that morning, draped over the chair again. He'd left it for her. She grasped the fabric in her fingers and lifted it to her nose, inhaling his smell deeply, the smile never leaving her face.

She felt her phone begin to buzz in her pocket and grinned as she looked at the name on the screen: El.

"Hey," she answered softly. "Home safe?"

"Well," he began. "I'm back in New York. But I wouldn't say I'm home."

She grinned. He was right. His home was with her. "I just found your shirt."

"I thought I'd leave it there with you. Y'know, so I have a reason to come back. It is my favorite, after all."

She laughed at his teasing and said, "Well, you can't be without your favorite shirt. I promise to keep it safe for you."

"I knew I could count on you."

Olivia smiled. "So…" She wanted to know what his plan was, but didn't want to press him for information. She was desperate to know if he would be spending the night with Kathy, but couldn't bring herself to ask.

"I'm going to ask her for a divorce, Olivia. Tonight. And then I'm going to stay in a hotel."

Damn him and his ability to read her mind, even from across the country. "El, what about your kids?"

"They'll understand, Liv."

"But Eli… he's so young."

"I know."

"El, I think, after this is all done, Maggie and I should come there."

"Liv, you love Portland. You've made your home there. You've done such an amazing job."

"Elliot, I won't take you from your children. They're everything to you." She sighed. "Listen, I want to be with you. More than I've ever wanted anything in my entire life. You're divorcing your wife for me."

"No," Elliot said firmly. "I'm divorcing my wife because we don't love each other anymore."

"El."

"Liv."

She paused and then chuckled. "We still know how to fight, don't we?"

She heard Elliot smile his agreement. "One step at a time, Liv. Okay?"

"Okay."

She heard him sigh. "Olivia. You should know, I might not be able to contact you for a while. This divorce has the potential to be messy, especially if our relationship surfaces."

"I understand, Elliot. It's okay. I'll be here."

"I love you, Olivia. You know that, right?"

"I know, El. I love you, too."

Olivia hung up first and sighed. Slipping her phone back into her pocket, she slipped her arms through his shirt, sliding it on over her tank top, wrapping herself in its warmth, in his scent. She laid herself down on the guest bed and began the longest wait of her entire life.

_And I'm on my way to believing._  
><em>Oh, and I'm on my way to believing.<em>

__**Please review. It does wonders for motivation. :)**


	9. Chapter 9

__**DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters. Nope, not-a one! Also, song genius belongs to Maia Sharp.**

**_A/N: So sorry for the delay, peeps! This chapter was a bitch to write. Stupid writer's block. I'm back now and feeling the groove. Hopefully the next one won't take so damn long. :)_  
><strong>

* * *

><p><em>The answer took some searching for<br>but you think you understand._

_With the lights still off  
>our clothes still on the floor<br>and your head in your hands._

Elliot hung up his phone and glanced up toward his quiet home. Checking the clock, he realized it was just after 10:00pm. Kathy would have put Eli to bed just a little while ago. Elliot did want to see his youngest child, he was not looking forward to the inevitable conversation he was to have with his wife.

As he stared at the house, his mind was consumed with Olivia, with the past two days, with the overwhelming love and adoration he felt for her and her daughter. He wasn't sure how things would work out, but he was sure he wanted them. At the same time, how could he leave his children? Eli was only eight years old; it wouldn't be fair to abandon him for another woman and her child.

He sighed and shook his head, attempting to clear his mind of the hundreds of thousands of thoughts running through it. Thoughts of Olivia, Kathy, his children, Maggie… the pressure and anticipation was almost too much for him to take. He took a deep breath to calm himself and opened the car door.

_You say she's holding you back,  
>bringing you down,<br>you're all out of reasons to stick around  
>it's time to think of yourself<br>in spite of her tears  
>and break your vow of so many years.<em>

As he ascended the walkway to his front door, he was reminded of a scene so long ago. When he had left for Oregon just two days ago, the wounds left by Olivia were still fresh, unhealed. Now, he was mended, complete. It was time to finalize what had been started many years before; it was time to ask his wife for a divorce.

He said a silent prayer that Kathy would understand, that she wouldn't fight him. She had to know that he didn't love her anymore; he knew she didn't love him anymore. Not that way, at least. Not the way he loved Olivia. Not the way Kathy was capable of loving someone else. It didn't seem fair to either of them to be trapped in a cold, loveless marriage. These last several years were merely prolonging the inevitable.

He took each step up to his front porch slowly. He felt as though he were marching to the gallows, to his death. He was absolutely not looking forward to this conversation. He let his fingers touch the door knob and, just as he thought he might lose his mind, he saw Olivia behind his closed eyelids. Her beautiful face brought him back to reality, gave him all of the reasons he needed to do this. He took a deep breath and turned the brass fixture in his hand.

The door creaked open and he stepped over the threshold. Looking around, he saw Kathy, sitting on the couch, reading a book. She spun her head around, her blonde ponytail whipping around with the movement. "Hey," she called. "I wasn't sure when we'd be seeing you again."

He gave her a half smile, but said nothing as he took off his jacket and hung it on the coat rack by the door. He heard her rise from her place and walk over to him.

"Everything go okay?"

He tensed as he felt her run her hand up his back. He racked his brain to figure out what the hell was going on; he and Kathy hadn't been affectionate in years. He couldn't remember the last time they'd really touched each other.

"Everything's fine," he said, stepping away from her and into the kitchen. He walked to the fridge and pulled out a beer. He wasn't sure how to proceed, but he was sure that he wanted a Yuengling. He snatched the bottle opener magnet out of the drawer and popped the cap off before taking a long pull.

"Are you hungry? I can fix you a sandwich."

At that moment, Elliot realized that Kathy had followed him. He sighed and silently told himself to man up. "No, Kathy," he said. "I'm fine. I need to talk to you." He turned around to see her leaning against the counter, her hand on her hip and a smile on her face. "Are you okay?" he had to ask her.

"I'm fine," she approached him. "Just happy to see my husband."

As Elliot watched her hands reach out to touch him, he pulled away and crossed the linoleum floor to the kitchen table. "Kathy, please. Can we sit for a minute?"

_Well don't get me wrong  
>I like what I hear<br>and even if it's true  
>I have to ask<br>'cause I wanna be absolutely clear  
>just what am I to you.<em>

Kathy eyed him curiously. "Sure, El." She crossed the room and took a seat at the table, reaching for his hand as he sat down across from her. "What's wrong?"

Elliot sighed and fought the urge to pull his hand away. He could feel his skin burning where she touched him and recalled the soft, simple touch of Olivia's hand. How calm and cool he felt as she ran her fingertips up his neck and across his face. He closed his eyes, just for a moment, at the recollection. He opened his eyes and half expected to see Olivia's bright, beautiful face in front of him. Instead, it was Kathy. And while Kathy was still a beautiful woman, she was not who Elliot wanted to fall asleep next to, wake up next to, grow old with. She did not, could not hold his heart anymore. Only one person ever could.

Olivia.

Elliot signed and finally pulled his hand from Kathy's grasp. "Kath… I want a divorce."

Kathy's mouth dropped open, just a little. "W-what?"

"This hasn't been working for a very long time, you know that," Elliot's voice was soft. Clearly he'd taken her by surprise. "I think it's time. It's time to end this before _this_," he gestured to the two of them. "Gets really bad and we end up hating each other."

"Elliot," Kathy said, leaning forward slightly. "Where is this coming from?" She paused. "Where were you these past two days?"

"I told you where I was. I had to go out of town," he said quickly. "You had to know this was coming, Kath. If I didn't do it, you eventually would have. You have before."

"I… I thought maybe you'd gone away to clear you head, so that you could come back and be my husband, be a father to your children, to be the man of this house again." As Kathy confessed everything she'd been feeling these past six years, it appeared as though a floodgate opened. They were finally able to say the things they never could. "Ever since… _she _left…" It was a kind gesture on Kathy's part, not saying her name. She knew how it affected him. "You've been so… distant. I thought maybe you'd gone to re-group. I thought maybe you'd gone away… so you could come back."

Elliot sighed. "Kathy… I can't do this anymore. I will always love you, but… I'm just not in love with you anymore." Even as the words tumbled from his mouth, he felt the cliché behind them. He hated the words, but they were true nonetheless. And he could see they burned her.

"You… you're in love with her, aren't you?"

Elliot studied his hands. Could he nod at this and not give himself away? He supposed he could and shook his head just a bit, answering her question in the movement. He heard her soft intake of breath.

"You always will be, won't you?"

He nodded again. "And if I'm in love with her, it's not fair to you. We need to end this, Kath. Don't you see?" He reached forward and grasped her hands, pleading with her.

"But El… she's gone. Can you accept that?"

"I know she's gone," he said, staring down at their joined hands. "But I can't be in love with her and stay married to you, whether she's here or not. You should be with someone who can love you with his whole heart. You deserve that, Kathy."

As he looked into her face again, the tears spilled from his blue eyes. At that moment, her eyes followed suit and they cried together. They cried for the dissolution of their marriage, they cried for the pain they'd caused each other, they cried for the relief they'd felt in finally admitting the truth: they were over.

_Oh, I'm your light in the dark  
>your breath of fresh air<br>the love of your life  
>the answer to all your prayers.<em>

_No... _

_I am just your long way home  
>I know it, you'll know it soon<br>I am just your long way home.  
>You're welcome.<em>

"You," he finally spoke through his tears. "You have given me five beautiful children, Kathy. I will always love you for that." He reached his hand up and touched her hair, smiling softly into her eyes. "We will always be a family, I will still be here for them. And for you."

Kathy smiled and nodded. She pulled her hands away from him and wiped her tears away. "We'll meet with our lawyer tomorrow. Get the process started."

Elliot nodded and stood. She followed his actions and stood as well. He walked to deposit his now empty beer bottle into the recycling bin and turned back to her. She opened her arms to him and he crossed into them, holding her one last time. He pressed a kiss into her hair and released her, wiping his eyes roughly with the back of his hand.

Clearing his throat, he spoke. "I'm going to check into a hotel room for tonight. I should probably get going."

"Are you sure you don't want to stay here? Eli will be so happy to see you in the morning." Kathy smiled at the thought of their youngest son.

"I'll come back in the morning to see him, okay?"

Kathy nodded. "Do you want to go up and see him before you leave? He should be sound asleep by now."

Elliot nodded and silently made his way up the stairs to his son's bedroom. With Lizzie and Dickie off to college, the house was always so quiet. Eli was usually content to play by himself and didn't make much noise at all. It was strange, after so many years of insanity with the other four children, to have a child who could sit by himself on the floor and color for hours. Elliot grinned. Eli and Maggie would get along great, he knew.

He opened the door and saw his son bathed in the soft light from his nightlight. He silently crossed the room and knelt down next to his bed, gently touching his son's sweet curls. "I love you, Eli," he whispered, leaning down to kiss his temple before standing and making his way out of the room.

As he got to the top of the stairs, he saw Kathy, sitting on the couch where she'd been when he walked through the door, holding her head in her hands and crying softly.

_That morning, the day had finally come  
>for somebody to lose.<br>You kissed me hard and walked out of my door  
>to give her the bad news.<em>

_But I followed you there  
>like the sick fuck I am<br>to see what she'd do when you said goodbye again._

_She opened the door  
>and opened her arms.<br>__And you fell into them like a baby..._

_There from my car,_

It was like a punch to the gut.

He slowly made his way down the stairs and, when she saw him, Kathy straightened up and wiped her tears away. He gave her a reassuring smile. "Are you going to be okay tonight?"

"I'll be fine," she said, standing and wrapping her arms around herself.

Elliot nodded and made his way to the front door. After taking his jacket from off the hook and sliding it over his shoulders, he opened the door and crossed the threshold again, not looking back.

No, it was time to start looking ahead.

As he settled himself into the car, he pulled out his phone and sent a text message to the only person who could ever understand him, who could possibly understand the weight of what had just happened, who would occupy his every thought for the rest of his life.

**_It's done. I love you._**

He didn't need to wait for a response. He knew she wouldn't send one. He knew he didn't need one. They would keep their distance for as long as this divorce took. And then, they would be together. Elliot knew it couldn't possibly be that simple. But he didn't care.

He was almost home.

_I became your long way home_  
><em>I knew it, you know it now<em>  
><em>I was just your long way home.<em>

_You're welcome..._

**Review? Please?**


	10. Chapter 10

__**DISCLAIMER: Characters aren't mine. 'Cept Maggie. Also, the song belongs to Sara Bareilles.**

**_A/N: So sorry for the delay in getting this new chapter up. Life just doesn't seem to want to calm down! Thank you to those who have favorited and reviewed this story. I've really enjoyed writing it. Not much longer till it wraps up though! Enjoy this next chapter and please review! :)_  
><strong>

_Holding my breath  
><em>_Last one I've got left  
><em>_'til I see you_

_Deliver my heart with the_  
><em>Pieces and parts of me left<em>  
><em>Every last day seemed to carry the weight<em>  
><em>A life time<em>  
><em>Watch from the ground<em>  
><em>As the gold fluttered down from the sky<em>

Ten months. It had been ten months since she'd seen him. And each day, the tightness in her chest grew that much more. Slightly, slowly, she was turning to despair. But she wouldn't let it take her.

It felt differently than all those years ago. She chose to leave then, she chose her path, she chose to have the strength to deal with the consequences of her decisions. This time, she felt as though she had no control. And the longer he was gone, the more she had to fight with the resentment that grew in her heart.

She focused on her daughter. Maggie was growing each day, changing, becoming a girl that Olivia could not have been more proud of. Her kindness, her introspection, her strength of character all grew along with her. She saw so much of herself in her little face. And so much of Greyson in her character. It was Maggie who got her through each time her loneliness started to get the better of her. And Olivia was grateful.

Elliot had known she would worry. The nature of the job made each day unpredictable. She knew she could trust him to be safe and take care of himself. But she knew the risks he took each day simply by going to work.

He had told her that he wouldn't be able to contact her. He had warned her that if their relationship was exposed, he could lose custody of his children. She couldn't bear the thought of that. So she understood the once-a-month text that she received from him was the best he could do. It always said the same thing:

_Don't worry. – El_

She knew he couldn't text the things he wanted to tell her. Instead, she accepted and appreciated his reassurance that she shouldn't worry. And she read all the things he couldn't say. That he was alive and well. That things were proceeding. That he was coming for her as soon as he could. That he missed her. That he loved her.

It was enough. It had to be.

_Sweet sun_  
><em>Send me the moon<em>  
><em>Empty the skies out<em>  
><em>Bringing me one step closer to you<em>  
><em>Send it soon<em>  
><em>And I will breathe in, breathe out<em>  
><em>Until you come in and out<em>  
><em>Of view<em>

"Mommy?"

Olivia looked up from her book to her child, who was sprawled out on the floor with coloring pages and crayons scattered all around her. She smiled; she had an artist on her hands.

"Yes, darlin'?" Olivia responded, settling her book across her curled legs and giving her daughter her full attention.

"Is Elliot going to visit soon?"

Olivia smiled warmly. Since Elliot's visit last summer, her daughter had not stopped talking about him. He had clearly made an impression.

"He's going to visit as soon as he can, baby. I promise," Olivia replied with certainty. Despite the fact that she didn't, couldn't hear from him often, she knew he was unwavering in his loyalty and devotion to her, to Maggie.

"Do you miss him?"

Olivia smiled. Her daughter had entered a strong curiosity phase. Everything she said was in the form of a question. It was the cop's blood in her, Olivia thought. Always asking, always learning, always observing. She loved it.

"Yes, Maggie, I miss him very much," Olivia said. "He's my best friend."

"Hey! What about me?" Maggie squealed and Olivia had to laugh.

"Okay, he's my best grown-up friend," Olivia grinned as Maggie seemed to accept that answer. As she returned to her coloring, Olivia thought perhaps it was time to talk to Maggie about Elliot's next visit, whenever it would take place. "Sweetie, can you come sit by me for a second? I want to talk to you about something."

Wordlessly, Maggie stood from her place on the floor and crossed to the couch where her mother was sitting, climbing up next to her and snuggling into her side.

"I want to talk to you about Elliot," Olivia began, looking down at her daughter who was looking back at her with wide, open brown eyes. She absolutely loved the adoration she saw there, it was a feeling unlike any other she'd ever felt in her life. "Elliot and I have known each other a very long time; many, many years. We lived in New York City, which is a _big _city all the way on the other side of the country."

"What did you do there?" Maggie interrupted with a soft, sweet voice.

"We were police officers."

"Like Daddy!" Maggie exclaimed, grinning.

Olivia grinned. "Yes, sweetie, like Daddy. Before you were born, I decided to move to California. I met your daddy there and we fell in love. But before I fell in love with your daddy, I fell in love with Elliot."

There was a pause as Maggie absorbed Olivia's words. Finally, she spoke softly. "Did you love Elliot more than you loved Daddy?" Olivia could see that her daughter was trying to understand.

"Oh no, sweetie, not at all. I still love them both very, very much. I just love them differently. It's okay to love people differently; just because you love them differently doesn't mean you love them any more or less. You just love them with a different part of your heart." Olivia tried to explain as best she could and Maggie seemed to follow. Explaining the concept of love to a five year old was not the easiest task she'd ever undertaken.

Olivia watched her daughter nod and think, mulling everything over in her head and trying to draw some conclusions of her own. "If you love Elliot, he has to love you back, right?"

Olivia smiled and tucked a piece of Maggie's dark hair behind her ear. "Well, he doesn't have to. But I'm really lucky, because he does love me back."

"I knew it!" And at that, Maggie leaped off the couch and started dancing around the room, making Olivia laugh harder than she thought possible.

"Wait, Mommy." Maggie suddenly stopped dancing and crossed to her mother again, this time with a very serious look on her face. She stood in front of Olivia and placed her hands on her legs, leaning in and speaking softly.

"Is Elliot going to be my new daddy?"

Olivia smiled softly into her daughter's sweet face and placed her hands on her rosy cheeks. "Sweetie, no one will ever take the place of your daddy. He will always be your daddy and I will always love him. But Elliot loves us both, too. And I know he wants to be there for you in ways that your daddy can't."

"What ways?" Maggie asked, cocking her head to the side inquisitively.

"Well, he wants to do things with you that a daddy would do. Like, take you to the park, tuck you into bed, make you breakfast, read you stories. Things like that."

_Screen your dates when you turn sixteen and bring a boy home_, Olivia thought. _Walk you down the aisle when you get married. Hold your child like a proud grandpa. _She fought against the tears that threatened to fill her eyes.

"Oh," Maggie said, breaking into Olivia's thoughts and bringing her back to the moment. "I would like that a lot, I think."

Olivia grinned. "I'm glad. I would like it, too." She softy kissed her daughter's cheeks and said, "Okay, how about we clean this up and get you ready for bed?"

_Inches away from you_  
><em>Scared what I'll take from you, darling<em>  
><em>I can live with your ghost<em>  
><em>If you say that's the most I'll get<em>

_Darkness to light_  
><em>Moved from day into night to be near you<em>  
><em>Still here I stand<em>  
><em>I am sinking like sand in your sea<em>

Later that night, after Maggie was sound asleep and the house was quiet, Olivia thought back to her conversation with her daughter. Maggie seemed to understand everything that Olivia told her and she seemed content to know that when Elliot returned, he would be a more permanent fixture in their lives.

At that moment, of course, her thoughts turned to Elliot.

She was proud of the life she'd created for her daughter. She gave her a warm, cozy home, and stability. She could never regret leaving New York. That decision led directly to Maggie and her daughter was her entire life. Now that she was finally a mother, she couldn't imagine not being one. In spite of the challenges, the difficulties of being a single parent, she wouldn't change it for anything.

What she regretted were those years without Elliot. Their time apart, her love for Greyson, her love for Maggie had all dulled the pain of being separated from him. But it never vanished completely. She could never be rid of him, and she never wanted to.

So many things had changed since Elliot's departure from Portland. Maggie had turned five; she had wanted a princess party and Olivia threw one for her and her friends from pre-school. Olivia had gotten a promotion at the rape counseling center where she worked and was now overseeing the department responsible for counseling female police officers and soldiers who had been assaulted. She was proud of the work she was doing, glad that the skills she'd acquired during her time at SVU were not for nothing.

Slowly, she walked through her home, turning off lights, making sure the doors were locked and climbing the stairs to her room. She flicked on the light in the bathroom and began the process of readying herself for bed. As she brushed her teeth, she closed her eyes and imagined Elliot beside her. Something about this banal, mundane routine made her miss him more than ever. She imagined him brushing his teeth next to her, dressed in a tank top and boxer briefs. She imagined his fingers pressing gently into her hips, silently requesting her to shift over so he could rinse the toothpaste out of his mouth. She imagined his thumb swiping against her cheek and smiling softly before heading into her room… their room.

She imagined following him shortly thereafter, coming up behind him as he turned down their bed and pressing her lips to his broad shoulder. She imagined him turning and taking her in his arms, laying her down against the bed and making love to her. She imagined falling asleep in his arms.

Opening her eyes again, she sighed softly. There was only one reflection in the bathroom mirror. Her own. As reality set back in, she leaned down and rinsed her mouth out. She was alone. Again.

_Sweet sun_  
><em>Send me the moon<em>  
><em>Empty the skies out<em>  
><em>Bringing me one step closer to you<em>  
><em>Send it soon<em>  
><em>And I will breathe in, breathe out<em>  
><em>Until you come in and out<em>  
><em>Of view<em>

_You already do_  
><em>Never you mind where the evening should find us<em>  
><em>Together<em>  
><em>Distance can't take what is hidden here<em>  
><em>Safe in my chest<em>

"Maggie!" Olivia called after her daughter who had bolted from the car to their home as soon as the door had opened. The girl stopped dead in her tracks and slowly turned back to her mother. "Your backpack. Please take it in the house."

The girl slogged back to her mother who handed it to her and then ran back to the house. Olivia couldn't help the grin on her face. Her daughter was a character, that was for sure.

As she shut the car door, Olivia swung her bag over her shoulder and balanced her empty travel mug atop several file folders. Her caseload had increased recently and she would have to do some work from home that night after Maggie had gone to bed. Such was her life.

Before heading into the house, Olivia stopped by her mailbox, narrowly avoiding a boy on a bicycle who was clearly enjoying the unseasonably warm April day. For once, it wasn't raining and Olivia was glad to see the neighborhood kids taking advantage of that as they zoomed down the sidewalk on their bikes and skateboards.

Expertly one-handed, Olivia opened the box and pulled out just a few items. "Bill… bill… junk…" She rifled through them with her fingers until she came to the last item. A postcard. She was curious, so she set her mug on top of the mailbox, tucked her files under her arm and pulled the postcard to the front of the stack.

The picture on the front was of the Manhattan skyline.

Her heart stopped beating for just a moment and when it started again, she thought it might pound right out of her chest. Bringing a delicate hand to her mouth, she closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths to settle herself.

She could vaguely hear her daughter shouting for her to come let her into the house, but all Olivia knew at that moment was that Elliot had held this postcard in his hands, that he had sent it to her and that she could only hope it was good news.

Opening her eyes, she turned it over. His succinct scrawl etched only a few symbols on the thick, glossy paper.

_May 24__th__._

He was coming.

Olivia grinned.

_I'll wait for the day when_  
><em>We finally say now or never<em>  
><em>Till then I'll be here wanting more<em>  
><em>As I settle for at most fear<em>

_Sweet sun_  
><em>Send me the moon<em>  
><em>Empty the skies out<em>  
><em>Bringing me one step closer to you<em>  
><em>Send it soon<em>  
><em>And I will breathe in, breathe out<em>  
><em>Until you come in and out<em>  
><em>Of view<em>


	11. Chapter 11

__**DISCLAIMER: Elliot and Olivia aren't mine. Nope, not at all. Sad day. Song also isn't mine. Double sad day. It belongs to Ingrid Michaelson**

**_A/N: Thanks for sticking with me on this, guys. It means more than I can say. :)_  
><strong>

* * *

><p><em>I wait in the rain but I don't complain<br>__because I wait for you.  
><em>_I don't feel the pain, you're like Novocain,  
><em>_and I got you._

Olivia awoke the morning of May 24th to her daughter's tiny face tucked into her neck, her little hand resting near her collarbone. She smiled and brushed the hair from her forehead, remembering Maggie's tiny feet making their way down the hallway to her bedroom the night before. A bad dream, she had said, as Olivia set the book she was reading aside to comfort her little girl. After helping Maggie up onto the bed and snuggling her under the covers, Olivia turned off the light and stroked her daughter's rosy cheeks.

After she had fallen back asleep, Olivia's mind began to race. She hadn't told Maggie that Elliot was coming back, for fear of getting her daughter's hopes up and something not working out. She hoped, more than anything, that he would arrive tomorrow and complete her life in a way that only Elliot could.

The blue light of morning was beginning to come through the windows of her bedroom and Olivia strained for a moment to hear a soft rain begin to fall outside. She smiled. It was Portland, after all.

_It was always you  
><em>_It was always you_

_Time and again I thought that the end  
><em>_was just around the bend.  
><em>_You showed me there's more, I got more in store,  
><em>_and you got me._

Their morning routine went as planned, nothing out of the ordinary, nothing amiss.

She had no idea when Elliot would be arriving. Just that he would. Arrive. Her days of being alone, of being a single parent, a single woman were nearing their end. And truth be told, she was so tired of being on her own. She wanted someone to love. Someone to love her.

Elliot.

She stood at the sink, rinsing out Maggie's breakfast dishes and listening to her daughter's footsteps upstairs as she got ready for her school day. The rain pounded outside, hard, thunderous. One of _those_ days.

She suddenly heard the hiss of tires coasting across slick blacktop and her head snapped up. She peered out the window, through the rain, and saw the cab slow to a stop just outside her house. She threw her dishtowel down on the counter and ran for the door.

She screen cracked behind her and she stood on the porch as the back door of the cab opened and a black-shoe-clad foot struck the pavement. Followed by a deep blue denim jean.

Her eyes traveled up as the figure stepped out into the rain. She caught cerulean as her eyes met his and everything seemed to be happening in slow motion. He robotically shut the car door behind him and took one single step away as the cab drove off, almost immediately invisible through the wall of rain.

He just stood there, half in the street. Staring at her. And she stared back. Neither could find the words they needed to express what they were thinking, feeling at that exact moment. And soon they realized, no words were necessary.

Then, suddenly, motion. She set one foot in front of the other and soon, she was running. No longer was she stuck. Now, she couldn't get to him fast enough. Now, she was desperate to be pressed up against him. To feel his arms wind around her. To feel his lips pressed to hers.

Her motion set him into action. He took her walkway steps two at a time and, dropping his suitcase, ran for her. She reached him, wound her arms around his neck and leaped, wrapping her legs around his waist and pressing herself firmly to him, as if afraid he would slip away, afraid he wasn't real.

He supported her with ease, wrapping his strong arms around her waist, lifting her and bringing her mouth to his. The rain was soaking them both and yet, there was nothing that could tear them apart, nothing that could wake them from the dream they were living. Together. Finally.

He couldn't stop kissing her. He couldn't fathom the idea of ever parting his lips from hers. It would be a crime. Her lips belonged on his, they were made to fit together. Each curve, each edge was molded specifically to complement.

Finally, they parted, needing air to remain conscious and upright, and her eyes found his. She grinned. He grinned back and ran a hand through her soaked hair. Still wrapped around him, she pressed herself closer still and brought her lips to his ear, softly whispering two words:

"Welcome home."

The crack of the screen door and a soft "Mommy?" brought them back to reality. Olivia untangled herself from Elliot and set her feet back on solid ground.

Some people describe love as floating or being on a cloud. For Olivia, it was the opposite. It was terra firma, it was rock, it was foundation. It was Elliot. Always Elliot.

Olivia turned back toward her warm home to her daughter standing on the front porch, staring inquisitively at her mother. As Olivia stepped to the side, Maggie's eyes caught sight of Elliot and she squealed in delight.

"Elliot!"

The sound of his laughter was one Olivia had missed without even realizing it. It was the first time she'd heard his voice in almost a year and he was laughing. It was mixing with her daughter's laughter and Olivia determined there couldn't have been a better sound in all the world.

Elliot ran toward Maggie and lifted her off the porch steps, swinging her around in the rain and now it was Olivia's turn to laugh. As she watched Elliot and Maggie play together, she realized that, after so many years of heartache, she was plagued by a strange feeling. It took her a moment to identify it.

Bliss.

This was pure bliss.

The man she loved, her beautiful daughter, her home, the rain, the air, her heart. Olivia felt her hand touch her mouth as she tried desperately to suppress the overwhelming emotion. Her laughter mixed with tears as Elliot set Maggie down on the ground again. Maggie, sopping wet from head to toe, turned to Olivia with the biggest grin she'd ever seen on her face and ran toward her.

"Mommy! Elliot's here!" Maggie grabbed Olivia's hand and pulled her toward the house, toward Elliot, the smile never leaving her face.

As Olivia stood in front of Elliot, she merely smiled and whispered, "I know." She felt Elliot's hand on her cheek and leaned into his touch. "C'mon," she said. "Let's get inside and get dry."

_It was always you  
><em>_It was always you_

The day had been perfect. Olivia had kept Maggie out of school and they'd hunkered down in their warm home, out of the rain. Elliot had built a fire in the small fireplace in the living room and they'd read stories, built a fort, snuggled under a blanket. Elliot told Maggie about his children, especially Eli and how he liked to color and how he was sure they'd be great friends.

Olivia had made a stew for dinner and, much to Maggie's delight, they'd all eaten it on the floor of the living room, in front of the crackling fire. As the light began to fade outside, they all lay back on the floor and Elliot taught Maggie how to make shadow puppets. They'd all dissolved into a fit of giggles as Elliot created animal after animal, Maggie and even Olivia trying to re-create them all to no avail.

Soon, it was time for the day to end, and Maggie, fearing that Elliot would be gone when she awoke the next morning, began to cry. Elliot held the tiny girl in his arms and reassured her that he would be there when she woke. And he would make her pancakes again.

He stood in the door as Olivia tucked her daughter in to bed. He watched with adoration as she hummed a soft lullaby to Maggie, soothing her with her voice and a soft hand stroking Maggie's hair.

After Maggie's breathing evened out, Olivia rose and crossed the room, clicking on the owl nightlight and taking one more glance back at her daughter to make sure she was still sleeping peacefully. Smiling softly, Olivia creaked the door halfway closed and joined Elliot in the hallway. Her smile turned into grin. He was here.

"Do you want a beer?" she whispered. "Or a glass of wine? Or are you tired from traveling?"

"I could go to bed," Elliot responded softly and Olivia nodded.

They parted ways and as Elliot stood in front of the mirror brushing his teeth, he caught a motion out of the corner of his eye. Olivia had joined him in the bathroom. She was wearing his button-down shirt, the one he'd left. She was _only _wearing his shirt. As she approached him and snatched her toothbrush out of the holder, she'd brushed against him and whispered, "I told you I'd keep it safe."

His eyes darkened and he reached a hand out to the lapel of the shirt, brushing across her collarbone and her eyes closed. When they opened again, they found his own and they grinned at each other. Standing side by side, they brushed their teeth and, to Olivia's delight, Elliot soon touched her hip, politely asking her to move over so her could rinse his mouth out.

She did and he finished up, giving her one more grin before exiting the bathroom. Olivia couldn't keep the smile from her face as she continued brushing her teeth. Once she'd finished, she flicked off the bathroom light and made her way to the soft glow of her bedroom. She stood in the door and watched Elliot turning down the bed, the muscles in his back rippling as he moved.

She crossed the room and pressed a kiss to the nape of his neck, feeling his smile as she did so. Her arms wound around his waist and he turned then, bringing one hand to her hip and the other to the back of her neck. He brought their lips together in the sweetest kiss she'd ever been given.

As they parted, he pressed his forehead to hers and whispered, "I love you, Olivia."

She smiled and let her eyes drift closed at the sound of his voice. Then, she responded. "I love you, Elliot."

She felt movement then, felt the softness of down beneath her, the heaviness of his body on top of her. And she knew, with the rain pouring outside, her daughter sleeping down the hall and Elliot covering her body with his own, life could not be more perfect.

_It was always you  
><em>_It was always you_

_**FIN.**_

_****_**Please review. :) I really hope you enjoyed this story. It was difficult for me to write at times. I'm often plagued by writer's block. I had the ending in mind for such a long time and just couldn't find my way there. That said, I hope this was okay. Thanks again everyone.**


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